The Lakers think that effort last night gives them claim to winning two more in Boston? Please. If that’s true, I can lay real claim to Adriana Lima, who spurned all of us dumpy dopey mid-range males for Marko Jaric (see the post). 
Mentioning her is really an excuse so I can post one more photo of her. Be honest, it’s better than starting with a photo of Sasha Vujacic isn’t it? As for Vujacic, can someone please just send him to work on swingsets or something? The Indians are now 5 ½ games out. Never has a 33-37 record looked so good.
Sunday was Father’s Day – if you haven’t bought the handkerchiefs or pruning shears yet it’s just too late. Wouldn’t you like to talk to the guy who invented handkerchiefs? Take them out, blow your nose into them and then stuff it back in your pocket, snots and all. Now there’s a great idea! At any rate, we digress. For Father’s Day, my daughters allowed me to take them to Cedar Point. Which makes sense if you think about it this way: Why not do the things that most make you a Dad on Father’s Day? When they were younger, we’d go to Family Day at the indoor pool nearby. Now it’s Cedar Point. When they get older we’ll go to the bank. Same principle, different thrills. Of course they drag me on all the rides, including Dragster and Millennium and Maverick. We avoid the turnpike cars and Cedar Downs. Too tame. It’s fabulous fun – and after some of the rides my brain is really not banging too badly against my skull so it is possible to walk to the next ride. Sometimes.
Growing up I used to think two things about Cedar Point. First was that the causeway was about 19 miles long. It’s just a tiny bit less.
I also thought was that Cedar Point was the gold standard for parks. Yes there was Euclid Beach and Geauga Lake (Yes, I’m THAT old), but they weren’t Cedar Point. Now I wonder, even though some of the brain-mashing rides are fabulous. First reason is the way Cedar Fair, the parent company of Cedar Point (Are all the kids of the executives in that company named Cedar?), shut down Geauga Lake. This action was nearly unconscionable. Not just because they did it so soon after buying it, but because of the way they did it. 
No announcement, no advance notice, no way for anyone to make a final visit with Adriana Lima. It also was interesting that when rumors were circulating that Geauga Lake may be closing that Cedar Fair released statements it would not comment on rumors. Then they did just what the rumors said they would – they closed it and almost immediately started dismantling the rides many of us grew up with. Which made me wonder: When did Cedar Fair become a working member of the NFL? Guess it’s good to know professional sports teams are not the only folks who play with the truth and lie.
Why is it that we teach our kids to tell the truth and be upright, then we turn a blind eye to adults not telling the truth and not being upright? Makes no sense. How can these people live with themselves knowing they misled people and did not come clean? I figure there’s no mirrors in their homes.
Now, Cedar Fair may quibble and say that Geauga Lake is not closed, that it’s still a fabulous water park where Adriana Lima can swim. Two counters: I own stock in Cedar Fair so I can say whatever I want. Second, a water park? That’s sure what Geauga Lake was all about for its existence. This would be like tearing down Blossom and putting up a motorcycle shop there and calling it Blossom. It was unconscionable for Cedar Fair to close the park the way they did in the first place, to toy with people’s hearts and memories the way they did. Please don’t try to sell us that it’s still Geauga Lake as a water park (a fine water park at that).
So Cedar Fair, we all put our thumb on the end of our nose and wiggle our fingers across the Causeway. And maybe even from Adriana Lima.
Then there is the way Cedar Point is run. Now, let me be fair and say the rides are fabulous. Maverick is a hoot (that’s a technical roller coaster term). Millenium is fabulous. And Dragster is the rush of all-time (roller coaster wise) – one must always yell “GO CAR GO” at the top of his or her lungs at the top to ensure the car does indeed make it over the top. Raptor is more than underrated. And for us folks who remember Harrison’s presidency, Blue Streak is always fun. There’s other great rides as well, like the Antique Cars. But there’s something missing that takes the park from top of the line, state of the art, gold standard, to the level of the very good.
Take the food, please. There’s enough sugar and breading at that park to clog arteries for generations. Is it too much to ask for something a tiny bit healthy? Then take the nickel and diming. Cedar Point forces everyone to leave items in a locker prior to riding some rides. Then they charge for the lockers — $1 for small, $2 for large. After you’ve already paid $42 or so to get in (that’s more than 10 gallons of gas!!!) Gimme a break here. At Disney World, lockers are provided free when needed. At Universal, they are free for 90 minutes or two hours or so. A dollar for a locker sounds like Cedar Fair runs airlines on the side. They also have this indoor roller coaster called Disaster Transport. Apparently there are 3-D effects on the ride or on the way into the ride, because someone was selling 3-D glasses one time we got on. Operative word there – selling. 
That’s right, they’ve built a ride with some 3-D effects, then they make you buy the stinking glasses to see the effects they’ve built. I wish I could tell you where the effects are, but I can’t. In a stand of principle and fiscal sanity, we declined to purchase the glasses. Adriana Lima would be proud. What’s next, $1.50 for ice in drinks?
Lines at Cedar Point can be long. Balzac wrote novels waiting for Millenium. What does Cedar Point do? It plays music. This helps. A little, but not a lot. The park also has winding lines that go in and out of the sun, with a silly canvas cover over your head. The cover helps, but that’s all there is. Disney entertains folks in line with videos, games, pre-ride stuff. The wait is just as long, but doesn’t seem that way because you’re not winding back and forth about 37 times – sometimes under blistering hot sun. Cedar Point does have fans that blow cool air and mist on folks, which is nice. But it would be nicer if someone might actually dust these fans once every 38 months. They do cool you for the five feet you are within range, but they get a little gross. Oh, there’s also the Maverick line, which goes in this semi-open structure meant to look like an old West type building. When it’s 90-some degrees that building gets rather tepid, shall we say. Air conditioning in that place might have been nice, but in light of global warming we’ll assume Cedar Fair was being climate-responsible. But would it have been too tough to hang a few ceiling fans to at least move some air? There are lights all over … and last I checked dopes like me can even hang a ceiling fan in a bedroom, so one would imagine geniuses who come up with the rides could hang a few fans.
These may be little things, and obviously Cedar Point is a strong enough park to pack them in without these things. But little things make the difference between five-star and four-star. The food issue could be solved easily – and it might actually make the park more attractive to people like Adriana Lima. 
The other stuff, well it seems like a matter of want-to. As in, if Cedar Fair wanted to be good to the longtime customers, it would not have been so rude and thoughtless about the way it shut down Geauga Lake. And if Cedar Fair wanted to make sure its customers had a more pleasant experience waiting in the lines, it could do something more. And if Cedar Fair wanted to have a clean environment, it would clean the fans and clean the gum off the posts that idiots feel is necessary to leave there. And if Cedar Fair wanted a pleasant environment, it could do something about making sure its employees were all friendly and didn’t act like they were bored out of their minds. In fact, if Cedar Fair wanted its customers to leave with a cholesterol count below 300, it could do something about the food.
Make no mistake, we’ll be back this summer. Several times. We’ll even take Adriana Lima if she’ll go. None of this stopped us from buying our passes, and my daughters make good use of those passes. So we’ll be back. It’s just that the image of the “gold standard” park has taken a hit, and it could be because as one advances in years one gains wisdom but also gets more picky.
See ya in line at the Dragster. But before you go I suggest going to Walgreen’s and getting a water bottle that also has a mister on it. Helps keep ya cool on those 92-degree days as you wind up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down with absolutely nothing else to do.
