As for New Year's Eve …

I have been informed that I am going bowling tonight. On New Year's Eve.

The traditional ring-in-the-New-Year-keggle.

Bowling.

B-o-w-l-i-n-g.

Evidently all the pool tables were booked.

Some folks go hear live music on New Year's Eve (a nice Irish band perhaps?). Others go to parties.

While you all are doing that, I'll be bowling.

Step, step, step, step, roll.

I have a choice of course, but this is what the folks I am spending New Year's Eve with wish to do. To bowl. To roll the ball up the lane and knock down the pins. Not candlepin bowling, mind you, but regular old bowling. Ball down the lane, pins knocked down. No doubt two games. Perhaps a third if there's a tie.

Strikes, spares, and the goofy folks who claim three points for a field goal when they roll the ball through the split.

Bowling.

Not a dinner-dance with sumptuous food and live entertainment.

Not Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve.

Not wine, appetizer, dinner and dessert at Johnny's or Vaccaro's or Ken Stewart's or another of the fine area restaurants.

Not a party with friends and relations.

Not noisemakers, hats or kazoos.

Bowling.

I guess one could keggle with the New Year's hats. That would fit. And one could play a kazoo while bowling. That would fit too.

What doesn't go with bowling, really.

There will be discussion of spin and ball placement, comments on footwork, compliments on spare pickups. All while the ball is falling in New York City.

There will be the goofy ball, in the goofy color.

And the bowling shoes ("Size 9 please"). The bowling shirts. The scoresheet. The adding of the score, with someone inevitably asking: "How do you do this?"

I'm not anti-bowling mind you. I was in a league once or twice. I stunk, rolled about 120 or 130 every game. In high school we had a team and called ourselves "The Bowlers." Yes, we though it was funny. Our handicap was so high we almost won the league. It would have been a sham.

As an adult, I made one split (didn't go for the field goal) that had folks coming from four lanes down to say "Nice pickup."

I nodded, because the last thing you'd want to do at that time in that league was admit you had no idea where the ball was going when you let it go.

The best bowling alley I've ever been in was in New Orleans. It was called the Rock and Bowl. Because it had a bowling alley, but they always had great live music. People would go to the Rock and Bowl and hear the music and never keggle a single time. That was me. Didn't roll a single ball, but I heard The Iguanas. They were outstanding. Best bowling night of my life.

Tonight it's true bowling.

The tried and true and traditional New Year's Eve bowling outing.

Could this possibly be more CLEVELAND?

Shades of Ralph Perk turning down that White House invite.

Bowling.

New. Year's. Eve. Bowling.