Malcolm X Abram and I talked about the last of this season's audition shows — and about what could lie down the road.

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Last night I was at a screening of "Music and Lyrics." More about that in a later post. For now, let's take a look at "American Idol," after the jump …

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San Antonio, and some guy who thinks he sounds like Billy Idol and Ozzy, after the jump …

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Olivia Newton-John makes her second appearance as a guest judge on a reality show in a week. First contestant has so many sound effects with his moves that it feels like a segment on "Funniest Videos." Which is not a bad comparison, considering how he sang….

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Well, we're in Birmingham, famous both for "Idol" finalists and for being the subject of the Randy Newman song cited above. (Check out the "Good Old Boys" album, notable also for "Louisiana 1927," which has become a post-Katrina standard.) First contestant tries "Unchained Melody" and has them calling for security when she refuses to quit singing …

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Many things to say about tonight's "Grease: You're the One That I Want" but I'll start with a simple one: How could anyone smile while singing "Walking in Memphis"? It's a booming song, to be sure, but one that does not remotely call for a big Ipana grin throughout. Yet that is what we got from Kevin, and I am still wondering why no one called Kevin on it — especially when Juliana was called on not conveying the drama in "The First Cut Is the Deepest."

But I am so cynical about the show at this point, that even with two Buckeyes in the competition (Kate and Ashley S.) I am wondering if what anyone does really matters. Besides the Kevin/Juliana inconsistency, here are a few reasons:

— Bringing Matt and Ashley A. back into the competition for no discernible reason other than that their stories were liked by the audience. Tonight's show indicated yet again that both are way out of their league as singers.

— Where most of the competition went two-by-two (two Dannys back-to-back, two Sandys likewise), Matt and Ashley A. were a separate pairing, which spared them from sounding even worse in comparison to the people who know what they're doing. Yes, their addition creates an odd number of men and of women. All the more reason NOT TO BRING THEM BACK.

— The judges are, for the most part, in the tank about who is good and who isn't. Only Snarky Brit Producer was at all blunt, while Kathleen Marshall and Jim Jacobs were extremely kind — and guest Olivia Newton-John wouldn't even pick two favorites at the end. (Who does she think she is, Paula Abdul?)

My theory: Even though there was a reference to auditions going on for other "Grease" roles, I won't be surprised if the Broadway production ends up drawing on the TV show pool for Kenickie, Rizzo and other supporting roles. If that is looming, then the people involved in the show are going to be reluctant to trash perfomers whom they will still have to work with; it's sort of a corollary to "American Idol's" getting kinder when the pool gets down to the folks who might end up releasing CDs under "Idol's" auspices.

— The remarkably convenient way that the judges, in picking their favorite Danny and Sandy, managed not to overlap at all — listing six different favorites. (It would have been eight if Newton-John hadn't been such a wimp.) Snarky Brit went with Ashley S. and Derek, Marshall with Austin and Allie, Jacobs with Chad and Kate. Way to keep things wide open — and, going back to the other-casting theory, to keep more performers happy.

Other notes: Ashley S. did all right with "The Shoop Shoop Song (It's in His Kiss)", especially in terms of stage presence, and Kate was OK — little slow getting to the oomph in "All By Myself." But of all the men and women tonight, I was really surprised by Kathleen's "Suddenly I See." A real force, that one.

Next show's guest is Andrew Lloyd Webber who, as far as I can determine, does not have a hyphen in his name even if the show's graphics indicated otherwise. No new telecast next week because of the Super Bowl, so we wait until Feb. 11 for voting results.

Update: You can catch the latest podcast with me and Malcolm Abram on www.ohio.com by clicking here for the MP3 file. Or, subscribe to the podcast.

Things the audience learned from "Idol":

– It's OK to mislead your parents, skip school and travel to New York City, because you may get a trip to Hollywood out of it. If there's a surge in teen runaways during the next round of "Idol" auditions, blame 19-year-old Sarah Burgess of East Palestine, Ohio, whose tearful tale got plenty of "Idol" air time — and a trip to Hollywood — without so much as a "Kids, don't try this at home."

– You don't need to know how to talk to go on "Idol." Tuesday night gave us the word "confidentiality" as a synonym for "confidence." On Wednesday, we heard about a song being "interpretated."

– Don't do a second song unless it is absolutely clear that the judges want it — and you have a good, prepared second song. Nakia Claiborne of Scottsburg, Va., looked like a lock for Hollywood after her spirited "Dancing in the Street." Paula and guest judge Carole Bayer Sager were interested in hearing her bring it down on another song, but it's not clear on my recording of the show that they wanted her to sing again on the spot. Still, Claiborne did and it was a disaster for her. No Hollywood. As Sager pointed out, Claiborne was flawed on "Dancing" but you could overlook them; not so on the slow song.

– Don't overreach generally. The Jersey Girls (Amanda Coluccio and Antonella Barba, both 19) didn't win any friends with their attempt at a duet, but they went through to Hollywood on solo turns. I'm not convinced they were all that good, but the show is clearly relishing the soap-opera potential in their competing against each other — potential demonstrated when Antonella didn't tell Amanda EVERYTHING the judges said.

– The spirit of Monti Rock III is being carried forward by Ian "I AM a superstar" Benardo, crossover from "So You Think You Can Dance." But that spirit also meant that someone either didn't make it to the judges, or was denied air time, just so Benardo could throw attitude.

– Also taking up unnecessary air: a 47-year-old contestant evoking Sinatra. He's too freakin' old for the show. Why was he even on?

– Rachel Zevita, 18, of New York City, is not only going to Hollywood; she's already annoying me.

– Life begins and ends with "American Idol" for way too many singers. I am thinking of Claiborne's tears, the training regimen for Porcelana Patino of Elmhurst, N.Y. (who did get to Hollywood), the recidivist contestants, the arguments and the begging.

– Jenry Benjarano, 16, of Rotterdam, N.Y. (part of my old stomping grounds), may go a long way based on Paula's sense that he is "easy on the eyes."

– Others getting tickets to Hollywood: Jory Steinberg, 25, of Santa Monica and Canada; Hollywood dropout Nicholas Pedro, 25, of Taunton, Mass., and Kia Thornton, 27, of Englewood, N.J.

Tonight's podcast is available through:

www.ohiomm.com/podcasts/tv/idol_results_042606.mp3

My written notes from tonight's telecast follow below.

Kellie's gone! Kellie's gone!

No more dumb-bunny jokes. No more challenged vocabulary. And, aside from Taylor, who's been swimming in mediocrity for a bit, no really stinky singers left.

I was prepared for Paris to go. There had been a lot of buzz that she was at the end of her string today. Amy Carlson Gustafson, my podcasting buddy, had arranged for us to do a later-than-usual podcast tonight because Paris is a local angle for her, and she might have had to write up Paris's farewell.

And she was there in the bottom two, with Kellie, who had beaten the odds before by surviving bad performances on the strength of personality.

Instead, we had a week where the "Idol"-voting nation mobilized, with the show claiming more than 47.5 million votes, supposedly a record for an "Idol" telecast other than a season finale.

And at the top of the heap, according to the show, were Chris and Katharine, who topped my report card on Tuesday night. (Of course, I also thought Chris might be in trouble, so wrong there. And I said the only surprise eliminations would be Kellie or Taylor, so I was surprised. Though delightfully.)

That left Taylor and Elliott in the middle of the pack, and I can think of plenty of scenarios where any of the five remaining could win, and there are all sorts of intriguing possibilities in the finals, starting with Chris vs. Katharine.

But I am SO happy that Kellie is gone. She had been running on gimmickry for far too long.

Happy, too, for Katharine, not only for surviving but for getting an apology from Simon for misjudging her performance (along with a low-key admission of excessive harshness from Randy). The judges cannot hear the performances well, as they occasionally admit, and it was nice to hear it tonight. (And how can Paula hear anything over whichever voices echo in her head? "Cry, Paula." "Dance, Paula." "Declare yourself the empress of all you survey, Paula.")

On non-results notes, who was picking the camera shots during Bocelli's performance — Bocelli himself? He's going for the big finish in his song, and we get a shot of Elliott gesturing as the "Idol" contestants start to move over to surround Bocelli — ideally, AFTER he has finished his song. Car ad: "Call Me," with a cute dog.

Here's the link to the post-show podcast with Amy Carlson Gustafson of the St. Paul Pioneer Press:

http://www.ohiomm.com/podcasts/tv/idol_results_41206.mp3\

And here are my post-show notes:

Well, Bucky is gone at last and that's no disappointment here. It wasn't that he was horrible, it was that he was dull and forgettable. As I said in last night's post, Kellie's outrageous "Bohemian Rhapsody" probably erased viewers' memory of Bucky and Ace, who had gone before her — and there were both in the bottom three, along with Elliott. I thought Elliott was OK last night.

Beyond that, I'm thinking ahead to next week and already feeling the disappointment that Rod Stewart's going to be the latest Old Celebrity Guest Who Appears Familiar With Cosmetic Surgery. Not that it's Rod, mind you. I made a list of songs from vintage Stewart/Faces performances that might be interesting for "Idol" contestants — "Maggie Mae," "Every Picture Tells a Story," "Sailing," "Stay With Me," "Gasoline Alley," "I'm Losing You," "This Old Heart of Mine" (the "Atlantic Crossing" version). Maybe "Tonight's the Night." And I'm sure someone would risk "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" (A side note: The greatest version of that ever was Bob & Ray's.)

But it appears that we're not getting that Rod. We're getting the Rod of recent vintage, with those albums of standards that could be done by just about anyone. That's probably good news for Ace and Elliott, but I don't know how good it will be for us viewers.

Good notes from tonight: The reminder, via Paula, that the judges don't hear the performances very well during the show and that they have been known to watch the TV replays — sometimes with different reactions. Of course, that means that anything they say during the performance show is of no value, but "Idol" doesn't care about that. If it did, the judges would be in another room on Tuesday nights, watching a good audio feed of the show. Also liked Ryan's admitting that the sing-the-song-that-got-voted-you-off was not the nicest thing. And that was sure the case tonight, when — in the interest of show padding — everyone in the bottom three had to sing before the final result was announced. And both Elliott and Ace were better tonight than on Tuesday, although I still didn't think Ace was very good. And Bucky was, well, still a guy who deserved to be voted off.

I feel as if I should say something about Kellie and the "community snot rag." But I'm going to let it go because I finally had a (small) reason to like her tonight: her love of fried okra.

Before tonight's telecast, I was thinking that we were about due for a non-elimination round. Too bad that it wasn't, since Dave and Lori — the sweet nerds — finished last, and now are gone. At the top of the heap: Eric and Jeremy again, followed by B.J. and Tyler, showing once again that those two teams have a better overall handle on the game than the other contenders.

I'm impressed by Fran and Barry, who are not merely hanging on but proving strongly competitive. But I like all the contestants right now, so I can live with people getting kicked off because the others are still appealing.

And I was SO glad to have the show at 8 o'clock tonight, a time slot where it's easier to find and remember. "Race" knew, too, that it might have a returning audience, since the opening recap covered the season to date, not just the previous week's events.

Still, the DVRs were whirring at 8, with "Amazing Race," "One Tree Hill," "Bones" and (because I needed to check on a local contestant) "Deal or No Deal." Right now I'm watching "American Idol" (and thank you to everyone checking out the "Idol" podcasts, with another coming later tonight). And recording "Lost." I'd also be DVR'ing "Veronica Mars," only it's pre-empted locally again for a Cleveland Cavs telecast. Please respect my cone of silence regarding "VM" plot developments.

On Tuesday night, I not only forgot to watch "The Amazing Race," I forgot to record it. I read the synopsis online but it wasn't the same as seeing people scurry. And CBS doesn't get ratings points for people reading synopses.

I suspect I was not alone among fans missing the show. The 10 p.m. Tuesday slot feels too late, especially for a series that — overheated young male banter aside — had a family-audience following. So I am happy to see that CBS is moving the show to 8 p.m. Wednesdays effective next week.

Of course, CBS is not just saving "Race" in making the move. The most recent occupants of that Wednesday hour, "Out of Practice" and "Courting Alex," reportedly cratered in the ratings, so the network had reason to try something else. ("Practice" and "Courting" are now in limbo, with CBS saying they'll return to the schedule later, though not when or where.) Since I didn't care much about those comedies, I'm perfectly content to see them elbowed aside. I'd much rather catch up on the hippie guys, and the nerds, and the other likable folks on "Race."

Then again, any show runs the risk of conflicting with another viewer favorite. An "Alias" fan at my office this morning noticed that "Race" will be against "Alias" when the ABC thriller returns on April 19.

A couple of days ago I said I was back, but regular readers know I haven't been really, really back. Life has just kept getting in the way. I spent most of yesterday getting my younger son through the removal of his wisdom teeth, and so found myself at the office during "Idol" last night. Even then, I spent the first 10 minutes of "Idol" doing the online test for "Jeopardy." 50 questions in under 10 minutes, and I don't think there's any danger of me getting an invitation to actual auditions.

It didn't feel as bad as the "Jeopardy" written test I took about 20 years ago — I still feel the terror over a question asking the names of all the Supreme Court justices — but part of that was probably because this test went so quickly. (No changing answers, no backing up for questions you skip.) Only afterward, while reviewing answers with two friends who also took the test, did I understand what I got right — and how much I got wrong.

Anyway, after that I was working on my mailbag column with "Idol" on the TV. It wasn't until this morning that I finally gave the show a report card-worthy viewing. Although I skipped through most of the judges' comments, what I heard reflected what I had sensed last night — that the messages are getting ever more loudly mixed as the judges look at who would sell CDs, and nudge this way and that — especially on the be yourself/don't be yourself argument, which boils down to "forget what got you here, because now you have to show us enough different things that we can force you to do almost anything in the recording studio." Interesting, too, the way they used the Ryan-Chris chat to take some of the heat off Chris — to let him talk about how much he admires Live — while never explicitly saying that the judges should have known his "I Walk the Line" was based on an earlier version.

Beyond that, not a great night. No goosebump-building performances, even with another overly generous theme — ''songs of the 21st century." Nor did Lisa make a great show-opener (and I have to think she and Bucky remain major candidates for ouster), covering a Kelly Clarkson hit in a way that just reminds you how very good Clarkson is. C minus on my report card, and that was probably generous.

Kellie is not remotely my favorite singer on the show, but I still gave her a C plus just because she was competent at country — or maybe the producers were able to explain to her what this song was about. She at least provided a rote synopsis before singing. C for Ace, who was not only mediocre but — according to my bride the Ace fan — did not look as cute as usual.

B minus for Taylor, who found a song that suited him well. B for Mandisa, good at gospel but not overpowering the way she can sometimes be. I also wonder if the show is starting to maneuver her elimination — unflattering outfit (with camera shots from the back making that more evident) and no consistent enthusiasm from the judges. B minus also for Chris. Good, but not eye-opening.

Here endeth the fun. C for McPhee, notably for her rocky start. Somewhere between a C minus and a D for Bucky; when I heard him while working at the office, he seemed better than last week, but when I listened this morning, his fundamental dullness was more evident. C for Paris, who was robotic again. C plus for Elliott. I kept expecting him to take it up a notch higher than he did, and a show-closer is supposed to be great. Of course, so is a show opener, and we didn't get that either this week.

I had a meeting early this evening and got home about the time Taylor was starting to sing, but held off listening until I finished some business. Then a phone call came as Kellie was singing. So, between what I saw live and what I watched later on my recording, I saw the singers in this order: Lisa, Kevin, Elliott, Ace, Mandisa, Bucky, Paris, Chris, Katharine, Taylor and Kellie.

So you may begin to understand why I thought the show was pretty disappointing at first — far more than the judges indicated. (One plus in going back to the recording: I could skip through Paula's goofy ramblings. For a bit it made me think I had waxy build-up in my hearing. Then I heard the opening acts and realized that the trouble was not in my ears.

I found myself longing again for a Mandisa/Chris final, although I don't trust the "Idol" voters to see it that way, and I have to admit that — in pure pop terms — Katharine was right up there with Mandisa and Chris. B pluses for everybody, but I give Mandisa and Chris the edge for bringing more personality and style to bear — while Katharine simply sang the daylights out of "Come Rain or Come Shine." Can't break the tie between Mandisa and Chris, though, although they took different, smart approaches, with Mandisa drawing on a Dinah Washington song that few in the audience would know (and so could claim it for her own), while Chris turned "I Walk the Line" from a Johnny Cash song into a Chris Daughtry song.

Rest of the field: Enh. Particular thumbs down to Paris (grade: C) for doing "Fever," a song where she hit the notes but didn't have the wisdom to understand, and Kellie (C minus), dulling down "Walking After Midnight" with a clueless, numb rendition. (Patsy Cline GOT the song. Of course, Patsy Cline got almost everything she sang.)

I also chucked C minuses at Bucky and Taylor, neither of whom brought anything to their Buddy Holly efforts. Ditto for Kevin, who never got out of his soft-and-mellow groove on "When I Fall in Love."

Let the record show this may be the only time that you'll see "Kevin" and "groove" in the same sentence.

Ace was also a C minus on my card. But, as usual with Ace, I must offer a dissenting dialogue with my bride.

"Isn't he a little off?" I said.

"Who cares?" she replied.

D plus to Elliott, who may have understood "Teach Me Tonight" but didn't get hold of the melody. And a D to Lisa Tucker for a tiresome "Why Do Fools Fall in Love?"

Shane and the rest of the Casaya gang are looking more and more like the Oakland A's of the '70s. They fight and bicker and seem to hate each other — and then go out and win championships, or at least challenges, like tonight's, which was a nasty one. On the line was reward, immunity and a chance to send someone from the other tribe to Exile Island — where this time they would be out of tribal council and so free from ouster. So not only did the winning tribe get to send the losing tribe to council, it also got to protect a big loser from extinction.

La Mina should be as rough as Terry and the Pirates. Instead, they're more like Terry cloth. Another challenge lost. Casaya picked Sally for exile, so La Mina had to get rid of one of the guys. And rail-thin Dan the Astronaut was sent home. Before he went — in fact, before the challenge — he impressed the others with tales of his travels into space. I don't think that was the best idea.

Sure, he was a big flop at puzzle-solving in the challenge and that pretty much assured his end. But you don't want the others to think you have already had great success in life, so why should you get a million bucks, too? Sort of like not telling them you were an NFL quarterback.

Still, Dan's end was one of the most polite vote-offs I have ever seen. He knew he was out before the vote, he figured it was a reasonable decision and he went. Shane and his crowd would be spitting at each other. There's a lesson there, I fear.

I didn't get around to this week's "Amazing Race" until Wednesday night, but I had already gotten a content warning from a co-worker. "Too much sex," she said with a shake of her head.

Sure enough, the episode had buddies Eric and Jeremy coveting bigtime, whether it was the Pink Ladies (Danielle and Dani) or Brazilian prostitutes — until, that is, they realized the prostitutes were cross-dressers. Early in the episode, they talked about they whether they might "get some sex" during the show, and they didn't let up. Granted that Danielle and Dani spoke about using "our feminity" as a game-playing tactic, Eric and Jeremy were obviously playing two games — the race and the race for sex.

Is this really so bad? After all, we've had adult conversations on "Amazing Race" before, including mentions of a player's implants. And the show does air at 10 p.m.

Still, whenever I think about a show airing at 10, I hear the voice of Ann Hodges, the now-retired TV critic for the Houston Chronicle. When a network executive mentioned that a show was on at 10, she would remind them that it aired at 9 in her part of the country.

In these days of video recording, a time slot does not mean as much as it used to.  And viewers may feel some shows are suitable for the entire family regardless of when they air. "American Idol," for instance, has a considerable family following; when it has done two-hour telecasts, another co-worker has had to decide whether her young daughter can stay up late enough to watch the telecasts to the end.

"Amazing Race" also has a family vibe. In fact, the last series was a "family edition" with teams of four, some of them children. While that "family edition" was ultimately a bad idea, it still told audiences that the show was OK for all audiences.

This time, not so much. I suspect my co-worker is not the only one to be put off by the content in Tuesday's show. In fact, I talked to several other "Race" fans in my office who found it troubling, and in at least one case a reason not to like Eric and Jeremy.

I've loved "Amazing Race" for a long time because its blend of a pure competition — that is, the race — and likable personalities. This time around, it is back with the fun of an international jaunt, and several of the teams are appealing at this point. BJ and Tyler's semi-hippie ways may have tricked other teams into underestimating them, and Dave and Lori remain the cutest nerds since Bill Murray and Gilda Radner. (Dave's line of the night, on making ethanol: "I totally did that experiment in school.")

But as we get to know the teams, some things are better kept private. Eric and Jeremy's spanking fantasies qualify.