If CBS had sent out the first episode of "Kid Nation" for review, it would have muted some of the debate about the show. Obviously, CBS did not want to mute the debate … (some spoilers after the jump)

The controversy probably increased curiosity about the show, which premiered last night. It had gotten a lot of advance noise concerning whether the children on the show had been treated properly, whether laws had been circumvented, whether manipulation was the order of the day.

I think we're all cynical enough to recognize that manipulation is part of most reality shows. The bride and I watched the premiere of "America's Next Top Model" last night, and it feels thoroughly manipulative. We still watch, of course, but at least there are no illusions.

"Kid Nation," though, felt even more exploitative because its main characters are so young and so seemingly in difficulty.

But, based on the premiere telecast, the show's makers recognize that kids have to be treated differently. In the first challenge, for example, it not only rewarded the individual teams, it included a group reward so even the last-place team could make a contribution to the group's overall success; that meant that even the last-place team was cheered on by the other kids. And the gold-star, $20,000 reward is certainly a good way to keep the contestants wanting to achieve, instead of backbiting. I even liked the way the kid who dropped out was praised as he departed.

That said, it's still a reality show. Conflict will happen, and we've seen arguments — not to mention the notorious Blue Team Chalk Raid! — with more promised in the promo for next week. And it is eerie at times to hear young people talking as if they have listened very closely to the players on "Survivor." But even as things seemed on the verge of collapse, the kids found a way to get back together. And if the first episode is indicative of what's ahead, "Kid Nation" may prove that young people are better at living together than their adult reality-TV counterparts.

I don't know if I will watch again, but I won't mind doing so. But one of the things working against my watching is CBS's manipulating not the kids, but the audience. As I said, it could have calmed the waters just by making the premiere more widely available. Instead, it took the publicity.

You can find the latest podcast with me and Malcolm X Abram, linked through www.ohio.com

And there's a live recap of tonight's show, after the jump …

"Prepare for the drama," says Ryan. But if dialidol.com is right, I'm more prepared for disappointment.

Ryan touts the challenge, touts Diana Ross, introduces the judges. Recap, almost immediately including the "closet" dialogue. Group sing on "Baby Love." Both Sanjaya and Haley sound especially horrible. Goes medley into "Stop in the Name of Love." Stars of "The War at Home" in the audience. Just because they're big fans, of course.

Oh, golly, it's time for the Idol-Ford video. "Float On" done retro. Help.

And, finally, we begin elminations. LaKisha, safe. Well, yeah. Gina, safe. Brandon points at himself before being asked to rise. He's bottom three.

Jordin, safe. Chris R., safe. Melinda, safe. Phil, bottom three. Scattered boos.

Sligh, safe. Stephanie, safe. Blake, safe. Leaves Sanjaya and Haley as the last to be told … after another break.

Dialidol, if you haven't checked, had Melinda, LaKisha and Sanjaya definitely safe, but no projection on the ones voted off. All nine others were in the "too close to call" range — although the lowest were Blake, Sligh and Stephanie, all now safe.

Back from the break with the challenge question. Zzzzzzz. Then Diana Ross, singing "More Today Than Yesterday" — after enterting on "Ain't No Mountain." Quite a red dress. She sounds almost … Sanjaya-ish … on the verse, then somewhat less bad on the chorus. But still bad. Good thing she's not getting judged. Ryan duly kisses butt, and plugs her tour and Web site; she returns the favor, calling "Idol" an "inspiration." And so to the break.

Seems as if they're running long. Ryan starts to sprint verbally.

Sanjaya is bottom three.

Phil is told he's safe. Down to Brandon and Sanjaya.

Nearly 28 million votes, and Brandon is out. Scattered dismay in the audience. Our Long Malakar Nightmare continues. Recap video. Ryan congrats for making top 12. No judges' reaction. And, because they're running long, credits appear before Brandon gets his sing-off. Which is not really a bad thing considering the way sing-offs go.

Well, in the parade of "Idol" stars who have gone on to other things, they didn't get footage of Jennifer Hudson at the Oscars. No rights or too cheap to buy them, you be the judge. And more, after the jump …

Ryan shows off the studio, the audience and then the top 12. Some makeovers, but I'm sure more is to come. Ryan gets to the big question: How will the guys do? Randy says the guys better step up. Paula, having been perplexed a week ago, praises the great variety NOW and says the guys will do better.

Homage to Diana Ross. Then to tape of Diana with the 12. Gee, she's laid on the makeup. "I am not a critic," Diana says. She wants to be the "trusting voice." No bashing to come? Rats.

First up: Brandon Rogers. Calls Diana "the star to which a lot of stars are compared to." Diana says she likes him. But why does she say "Motown Sound" as if it's humorous to her? Gentle advice before Brandon does "You Can't Hurry Love." His movements look very studied. Professional but dull, and his vocal is more erratic. AND HE FORGETS THE WORDS. Recovers a bit. Still, no more than a C.

Randy: "This is the start of the future for everybody" but he thinks Brandon had reverted to background singer before the last two notes. Paula, a little slurry, reaching for words, but "we don't need to tell you what you did wrong. There are many things you did right." Expected applause. Simon calls it a letdown. Expected boos. Simon calls him "a background singer for a background singer." More boos. Ryan to the rescue, sort of; asks if being on a bigger stage affected him. Brandon of course agrees.

Break. We're back with Melinda, and a product-placed question. Something about high heels. Ryan asks Simon about high heels. Simon says Ryan should know. Ryan says Simon should stay out of Ryan's closet. Simon tells Ryan to come out. Uneasy laughter all around.

Melinda with Diana, who says "when you sing, I get goosebumps." "Home" from "The Wiz." Which, the show does not note, was a huge career error by Miss Ross. There's a lot of Gladys Knight in Melinda's delivery — the verbal precision, the way she builds in a song, even one like this that isn't that great. The orchestra outlouds her some at the end, but she is so in charge. B plus.

Randy calls it "really, really strong" and declares the girls lead 1-0. Like Melinda, Paula is in tears. But, gee, for some reason it looks weird on Paula. Simon says she's like a young Gladys Knight. (Yes!) After the raves, Rescue Ryan is just superfluous.

Sligh. Compares his hair to Diana's. Offers "Endless Love" with some chord changes. Diana says he needs to find the melody and "listen more." Oooh, did she sense heresy? Here's the full performance — with a Coldplayish intro. No glasses. Kind of uncertain start, and he has some trouble in the high parts. Also, when a song is this sappy, you can't just drain the sap; you have to be the sap.

Yes, I know how that sounded. Still, I say, BE THE SAP. And give him a C plus. Randy brings up Coldplay. (Yes!) Says "that was a mess for me." Paula notes the song is "so recognizable" and that Sligh is trying too hard to be "ultrahip." Simon says he "murdered the arrangement." Ryan tries to pick a fight between Sligh and the judges; the best he can get is that Sligh thinks the judges' problem is with the arrangement.

After the break, Gina. Starstruck by Miss Ross, who thinks she has "incredible vocal ability" but reminds her of pronunciation. And so to "Love Child." Ooh, bad start. Not getting better. And a very rigid beat behind her. Most unfortunate. I wanted her to be better. I also wanted the Supremes going "tenement slum" behind her. C minus.

Randy notes "pitchy" and no excitement. Customary boos. Paula calls it a "feel good" song — and isn't thrilled either. Simon says it wasn't terrible, wasn't fantastic. "A little bit forgettable."

After the break, the re-curly Sanjaya. Diana calls him "love. … You care about him." Diana gets tough about him starting right at "Ain't no mountain high…" (which is close to what Marvin&Tammi did). She wants him to get his soul. And so we go to the performance. And I hate him two lines in. Interim D, and let's see if he can bring it up. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. He's somewhere in F country now. Can he get out? Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. An F it is.

Randy's in shock. "I do not even know what to say, man. … Dude, it wasn't very good. … That song was almost unlistenable to me." Randy says Sanjaya's hair rocks — that he'd be good on "Hair Idol." Paula says he "looks adorable" but is fighting to find something nice. Simon says "when you hear a wail in Beverly Hills, that's Diana Ross watching the show." It takes a moment to sink in because people think Simon is talking about a whale. Rescue Ryan gives Sanjaya a chance to respond; he says he didn't get Simon's comment and Ryan explains Simon wasn't talking about "marine biology."

Haley, whom Sanjaya probably looks at and thinks "I can stink and still draw more votes than her!" Diana considers her beautiful but wants to be sure she has "thoughts behind the song." Diana did "Missing You" after the death of Marvin Gaye. If memory serves, there was a lot of Florence Ballard footage in the video. Haley starts off soft and doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Oh, wait, she has left her chair. Seems short of breath. I'm not impressed. Lots of trouble tonight with the Diana/Supremes catalog. You'd think those were … legendary songs. C minus.

Randy calls it "a valiant effort" but notes she forgot words. Paula says she looks lovely — and admits that's not what Haley wants to hear. And "your pitch, ai yi yi." Simon "didn't think it was that bad. … I think we will remember you now. … I think your nerves got the better of you." Ryan offers her a chance to full-tilt blubber. Haley says she feels "like a schmuck." Paula offers more encouragement.

Halfway through what Ryan calls "the most emotional show to date." Phil Stacey with Diana. Diana says she likes the song he selected ("I'm Gonna Make You Love Me," which Diana notes she did in duet with Marvin). Phil not too craven to ask Diana for advice. She seems more kindly than with some performers. Craven pays.

Phil starts off raw. Pace seems off. But he sells the chorus. Will Randy at last be weary of being the voice of doom? Especially after Phil struggles a bit again. Really ragged in spots. C.

Randy asks Phil how he thinks he did — then says "the performance was a little boring" but the vocals were good. Paula thought it should have been more uptempo and also praises the vocals. Simon says he chose the right tempo. Bicker bicker bicker. Simon calls it "OK" and nails Phil for shouting on the big notes.

LaKisha. She's doing "God Bless the Child" — Billie Holiday song of course, which Diana covered. Diana offers fashion advice. And says she is really looking forward to seeing what she does. Big swing arrangement, and it takes LaKisha a moment to sing over the orchestra. Looks bored in an "I can win this anytime" way. Which she proceeds to prove. I don't like the band arrangement, but she makes you hear her — effortlessly. A minus. I keep wanting to be skeptical about her ability, but she's too good.

Randy: "Perfect song choice. I love the outfit. … Unbelievable vocal … Sensational." Paula calls her "a beautiful performer." Simon says she's "got it." Simon says she and Melinda "are in a different league."

Break. Is it just me, or does the Alltel commercial guy bear a passing resemblance to Blake?

And now Blake himself. Another product-placement question. His favorite performers include Michael Jackson. Blake with Diana — new beats, slowed down "You Keep Me Hangin' On." Diana actually likes him making it "fresh." Hey, how about a Vanilla Fudge night on "Idol"?

Actual performance has a lot of noise around it but the vocal is pretty standard. And dull. Still hoping for that Vanilla Fudge night. I am somewhere south of interested. C.

Randy says "some good things about it" but worries about "Blake-izing" of songs. Paula agrees but sees a difference between Blake and Sligh — and that Blake could have a hit with his version. Simon says "I didn't get that. … It didn't work changing the melody like that." Randy and Paula chime in about the need not to change classics. Once again, the singers are between the Scylla of "be unique" and the Charybdis of "don't mess with standards." But the bottom line is that change would be fine if the changes were any good.

Stephanie with Diana. "Love Hangover." Diana wants it more sexy. Stephanie accepts advice because "she's Diana Ross." Good start, uncertain on the big notes, and the arrangement feels bleached of the disco feel — without anything strong substituted. Wobbly parts. C.

Randy's on her for forgetting words, but was waiting for the uptempo part. So was Paula, who asks why she dropped it. Stephanie says the song had to be shorter than the original. Paula argues "that's what arrangements are for." Simon is also disappointed, and says she chose the wrong song — as well as being not as good as LaKisha and Melinda. Does that mean she was better than everyone else. Rescue Ryan asks about how much choice she had on the arrangement, and Stephanie doesn't really answer.

Chris R. Doing "The Boss." Diana says "he needs to find where the hook is … and he needs to work the song." He gets a disco beat — and is still pressing that Justinish look. Not strong on the tune, even when he tries to be authoritative in his moves — including on a riser into the audience. But his vocal, man. One of his worst, no matter how vigorously Paula dances along. The orchestra's carrying him instead of the other way around. C minus.

Randy says he "overdid it a little bit. … half good and half bad." Paula says, of all the guys, he nailed it, "great job." Simon insists it's a singing competition and the vocal was "dreadful." He's right, too. I should have dropped him another grade notch.

And Jordin will close after the break. I hope she'll be good. Melinda and LaKisha aside, it's been a blah night. Jordin is going for her "softer side." Diana thinks she's "absolutely gorgeous" but wants her to communicate to the audience and to project. "If We Hold On Together." Treacly song, but she's solid — making the argument that she could put a scare into the dynamic duo, especially on pop. I can see why she's closing — she's selling just the kind of song that "Idol" so often sticks winners with. A strong B/B plus.

Randy says "you just made it a three-girl race." Paula is adoring. Simon thought "it was a little bit gooey" but "a very, very good vocal" and one that gives Jordin a shot at the finals.

So where are we? LaKisha, Melinda, Jordin and a cast of nine others.

You've had plenty of time to see it, so the cone of silence is lifted, after the jump …

Pretty nice week for TV reality. First the dreadful Antonella Barba gets the boot from "American Idol." (I know, Sanjaya is still there. But half a loaf …) Then Rob & Amber leave a trail of miscalculations and nastiness on their way to elimination.

Yes, I broke my vow not to watch until they were gone. But the spoiler boards had them going, and show host Phil Keoghan dredged up numerous variations on "shocker" for an online promo and, well, I had hopes.

And I loved it even more because of the way they went out. No whining about competitors' getting special treatment from an airline this time. Rob purely outsmarted himself: bad spelling, stubbornly sticking to a challenge long after Amber had said they should move on, then, most amazingly of all, getting rattled.

Rob's whole approach to reality is about confidence and smack, about the certainty that other teams will be so worried over his scheming that he doesn't really have to scheme that much.

Of course, he still schemes — and had Amber dropping lies for him on Sunday's show, too. If they hadn't been so smug about messing with Mirna and Charla (whom I dislike far less than most of you), I might even have felt some grudging respect for them. At the very least, I liked Amber's forcing Rob to admit that being in first place mattered to him.

Still, his uncertainty after falling back into the pack was pretty good television. His heart obviously wasn't in the envelope search, and I relished that air of defeat.

Not that I think we are free of him & Amber. As I've said, reality TV is their profession, and they probably began looking for a new show to appear on before they had returned home.

The explanation, with spoilers, after the jump …

I haven't watched all of tonight's telecast, since I was keeping track of a local contestant on Grease: You're the One That I Want. (Ashley Spencer is her name, and she's hanging in there.) But for a column tomorrow I did check the results. Dave and Mary are out. That's not the problem. Rob and Amber finished first AGAIN.

My problems with this are so huge. It's not just that Rob is a snotty player and a big whiner. (On last week's show, he complained about another player's tactic — when he would have done the same thing — and then claimed he was just playing mind games. Bull. He's a bad winner and a sore loser.) It's that he and Amber are professional reality-show contestants now, and that damages the game.

I know, I've said that R&A damaged the game the last time they were on, bringing a nasty, Survivor-honed sensibility to a game that always felt more honorable to me. But their lives now are spent going from TV game to TV game, sharpening their skills along the way, and never seeming to have a life that involves something other than talking trash and playing for cash. Other Amazing Race competitors worry about things in the real world, then have to compete against a couple with no other concerns.

Yes, R&A are very, very good players. I will give them that much. And they came into the race determined not merely to win but to dominate, and so far they are doing that. But it is still possible to see someone very good at a task — and hate them nonetheless. Think New York Yankees — a proper parallel not only because of the swagger involved, but because "Boston Rob" would hate it so much.

I may still check into the race, just to see if R&A finally lose. But that seems unlikely right now. I may end up recording the shows, then watching again if they are eliminated. Only the way they are playing, that may mean waiting until next season.

Live blogging from tonight's "Idol," after the jump …

Ryan says "the guys threw it down last night" so the competition is "wide open once more." Uh-huh. Gina Glocksen leads the line, Sabrina Sloan ends it. Then to the judges. Paula eerily demure. Ryan pushes the boys-were-better line, and Randy concurs. Paula says the women "look gorgeous." Ryan claps for the guys. Hey, it was a good show Tuesday but the praise is overkill.

Gina dedicates her song to her boyfriend. Heart's "Alone." Unfortunate dress. Remember all that crap about the contest being wide open? Uh-uh. She's a little screechy but gets the show off to a good start. B minus. Randy impressed. Paula brings up that Carrie sang it and still calls it excellent. Simon says "good choice of song" but the vocals felt forced at the end. He says she'll never outsing some of the big singers in the competition — and says he thought she should be more edgy. Ryan says it's "time for the ring" from her boyfriend. Commercials.

And we're back. Ryan's in the red room with Alaina and LaKisha. He admires LaKisha's "showing off some leg." Ryan brings up the good buzz she has been getting. She does not pay attention to the buzz. Need we mention again that most of the "Idol" buzz has been about Antonella?

Alaina dedicates to her mom. She should also apologize to Chrissie Hynde, considering what she did to "Brass in Pocket" last week. But no. Song in jeopardy this week: Dixie Chicks' "Not Ready To Make Nice." And why is that for her mom? Not to mention that she has no idea what the song is about; apology now owed to Natalie Maines. The squinty finger-pointing is weak, too. C minus. Randy thought it started all right and then became a mess. Paula says it's a hard song to sing and the pitch was a little bit off — but not nearly as bad as Randy said. Simon goes for "plain English": that it's like Randy in a 100-meter race, running out of steam. Paula insists on saying she's adorable and Randy says she looks amazing. Alaina asks for advice. Ryan offers his usual protective defense.

LaKisha dedicates to her grandmother. "Midnight Train to Georgia." She's getting more help than she needs from the backup vocals, but she's also not as formidable as last week. Good but not knock-the-socks-off great. B. Randy likes her showing spirit and says "that was hot." Paula loved it and "I love you." Simon calls her a phenomenally good singer but not as good as last week. Still thinks she'll do "really really well." Some pointless discussion of her outfit and the judges'.

Commercials. Fox 8 tries to scare me into watching their news — and not drinking milk.

Ryan says the girls "are owning the stage tonight." Melinda, dedicating to two of her closest friends — the "Gails" to her Oprah. Apparently they also pick out her clothes. Song: "My Funny Valentine." A little over-polished. (Will Simon bring up cabaret?) But very assured. No goosebumps but a B plus. Paula gives her one of those irrelevant standing O's. Randy, though, says she came out to win. Paula calls it astounding. Simon declares it "incredible … without question the best vocal we've had through the competition." Again brings up her modesty — "you don't know how good you are."

More commercials. Ryan promos Antonella singing Celine. Break. Ryan asks if she's nervous. She says less than last week. Ryan mentions the judges being tough on her. No mention of the Scandal. Antonella dedicates to her brother. "Because You Loved Me." She still stinks. Hits one decent note and gets relieved applause. D. Randy calls it "complete the wrong song … pitch was all over the place." Paula says she made "leaps and bounds" from last week. Simon thinks she was worse than a week ago. Ryan sets up Antonella to bash Simon for mistreatment of Jennifer Hudson. (Feels like Scott Savol mouthing off when he was on shaky ground.) Simon notes that America voted her off.

Stunning denial all around, by the way. At the least, I expected Paula to bring up that Antonella had had a rough week. Instead, no acknowledgment of the troubles at all. Maybe they think she's already so popular, they don't need to help her out. And that too much help would keep her around longer than she deserves. But her swipe at Simon was unnecessary, especially when the show played nice about the photos — while noting her obvious vocal limitations. Although Randy and Paula's clowning undercut even that.

Jordin, dedicating to her brother. Big tears on tape. "Reflection" from "Mulan." Wobbly start. Improves as it goes, except for some screech in the finish. B. She's crying at the end. Randy impressed aside from some pitchy moments. Paula of course adores her, "one brilliant, talented girl." Simon agrees that it wasn't her best but still better than some. Ryan introduces her father in the audience.

Stephanie in the red room. Ryan hypes tomorrow's appearance by Kellie "Sal-mon" Pickler. Asks Stephanie about the vibe. Stephanie says it's friendly. Simon doesn't buy it, and even Paula seems a little skeptical. Stephanie dedicates to parents. "Dangerously in Love." She seems dangerously out of synch with the band. Eventually recovers, but overall it's a C plus. Randy says so much better than last week — but it was a little "Beyonce Lite." Paula thinks she was "fantastic, brilliant." Simon agrees with Paula, says she was "putting your mark down." Ryan goes at Randy for his criticism. Who's a bigger kiss-up, Ryan or Paula?

Ryan chats with Leslie and Haley, Haley first. Leslie says she has learned from watching her video last week that "less is more." Leslie dedicates to her dead grandfather. "Feeling Good." I am way, way, way tired of this song. Understated beginning followed by a "Hey Big Spender"-ish approach. "Less is more" is translating into "less is less." And a lame vocal riff. C minus. Randy likes her returning to her "jazzy, scatty" thing but is displeased by the pitchiness. Paula loved her. (Duh.) Simon says Paula loved her because the scat sounded like Paula talking. Mean but apt. Simon then says Leslie was whacked by several big voices preceding her. Paula begins offering food metaphors. Ryan jokes with Leslie about the scatty lyrics. Oh hum.

Haley dedicates to her fiance. Whitney's "Queen of the Night." But rocking enough to duck comparisons. Still lacks authority though. C plus. Randy complains the song has more backing parts than lead parts. (Simon says that's why she chose it.) Randy not sold. Paula, of course, focuses on the positive, especially improvement over last week. Simon gives A for effort but calls it "manic, verging on insane" at one point — and makes the comparison to Whitney. Considers her one of the vulnerable ones tonight. Ryan says he knows her fiance is proud of her.

Sabrina closes the show. Dedication to her grandmother, who has been "in and out of the hospital." Song: More Whitney, "He Fills Me Up."* Good, and I'd like her to stay in the competition. But still feels like a B, especially considering it's supposed to be the big finish. Randy says very nice overall but with pitchy spots. Paula just loves her and calls her "a big contender in the competition." Simon again leery of Whitney songs and worries that Sabrina is on the line between singing and shouting.

And let's say goodnight before the recap.

*Should have written "All the Man That I Need."

Vincent Pastore of The Sopranos has dropped out of Dancing With the Stars. Here's the official word from ABC:

In the first of what promise to be many surprises in the fourth season of "Dancing with the Stars," actor Vincent Pastore, sixty years of age, has withdrawn from the competition after one week of training. Pastore came to the decision that the physical demands of a ten-week season would be too difficult for him to undertake.

"When I initially committed to joining 'Dancing with the Stars,' I didn't realize just how physically demanding it would be for me. Unable to put forth my best effort, I felt it appropriate to step aside and give someone else the opportunity," said Pastore. "I'd like to thank ABC and the show's producers for inviting me to participate. I wish my partner, Edyta, and the other dancers the best of luck."

Live blogging during "American Idol," after the jump ….

Ryan says it's good to be back and sends out "a huge congratulations" to Jennifer Hudson. The show obviously wants her to pay a visit this season — the kissing up has been quite detailed.

Introducing the guys. Phil first, Sundance last. Did Sundance learn to sing well enough to close?

Ryan says hi to the ladies. Antonella is with them. Then the judges. Randy is sure they will be better than a week ago. Paula says they should have fun and "own the song." Ryan teases Simon about his fame, Simon decides neither to banter nor elaborate.

Tonight's theme: Songs dedicated to people who inspire the singers. Phil's singing for his Navy mates. John Waite's "I Ain't Missing You." Very respectable. B. Good marks from Randy and Paula. Simon's "not jumping out of my chair. … completely unoriginal voice. … still not hearing anything unique." But says Phil will be back next week. Randy shouts in Phil's favor.

Significant camera time for Jeff Foxworthy, host of the "5th Grader" show premiering tonight. Gee, you think they might chat with him later? Commercials.

We're back, guys on the couch. Ryan checking the buzz. Asks Sundance first. He doesn't mention Antonella. Asks A.J. He doesn't mention Antonella. Introduces Jared.

He's dedicating his performance to his mother and father. Marvin Gaye, "Let's Get It On." Umm, for his parents? The show is either double-tracking him or using an accompanying backing vocal to make him sound better. Not helping. The longer the song goes, the more trouble he has. Interesting gesture with hand across his face. Can't hit those Marvin-y notes. C minus. Randy found it pitchy but "kind of liked it," especially the "face move." Paula says he doesn't have to push the song — and is thinking of something else; she liiiiiiiikes him. Simon respects his trying but brings up the "Love Boat/corny" parallel. Jared says, "That would have been a great 'Love Boat,' man." Ryan notes "the things we've done" to the song. Which again, JARED DEDICATED TO HIS PARENTS.

A.J. also plays the parent card. What's he going to sing, "Super Freak"? No, it's "Feeling Good." Decent start. He's selling it. He gets — dare I say it? — pitchy in spots, but still not bad. C plus. The guys are definitely trying harder than they did last week. Randy notes how much better he was than a week ago. Paula gives him "props." Simon calls it "nearly very good."

Another break.

Sanjaya. Dedicates to his grandfather, who died when he was 5. Wears grandfather's wedding ring when he performs. "Stepping Out With My Baby." With a hat. Boring. He never picks it up and seems to run out of steam. Almost like a recitation until he tries for a big finish. Which is not big. D. Randy calls him "a nice kid" but says it "was like a bad high-school talent show. … really weak." Paula says he wasn't pitchy, calls him "an old soul" — and Simon presses whether she liked the song or not. "I don't like you," she says to Simon, but doesn't really pass judgment on Sanjaya. Simon agrees with Randy, only rougher — "very weak, a little weird." Paula gives him a chance to explain his performance. He brings up grandpa, forcing applause. He's got that meek-Melinda thing, only Melinda can sing.

After a break, Chris Sligh. Dedicated to his wife. "Trouble" ("Saved by a Woman"). His attitude troubles me some, but I like his singing. And he's kicking it tonight. B plus. Judges positive.

Another break or, as Ryan puts it, Fox has to take care of the Benjamins. He is so street.

Nick. Dedicating to his girlfriend. He wasn't with her on Valentine's Day so singing for her is "the ultimate valentine." And the song is … "Fever." Very lame sing-songy start. Peggy Lee and Little Willie John are hard to top, though. Maybe if he had done Springsteen's "The Fever" instead. … C minus. Randy insists everyone is better than last week, liked Nick getting back to "the Nick that we loved," even if he was pitchy. Paula also praises the "throwback" but wants him to "go for it." Simon thought it was good but that Nick lacked charisma. Questions Nick's wardrobe. Ryan asks Simon what he'd choose. "I'm not a stylist," Simon says. The discussion continues downhill, but Simon stops it.

Since we're in a commercial, let's pause to meditate on a Robbie Robertson lyric: "Take a picture of this/The fields are empty, abandoned '59 Chevy/Laying in the back seat listening to Little Willie John/Yea, that's when time stood still/You know, I think I'm gonna go down to Madame X/And let her read my mind." That's from "Somewhere Down the Crazy River," and we're back …

Blake. Ryan asks him about the "girls." Blake says their performances told him he should step up his game. Dedication: His parents. Song: "Virtual Insanity." With some scatting, and a bad hat. I like his singing about half the time, but the other half can be painful. B minus. Randy tries to educate people about Jamiroquai while praising Blake. Paula calls him "unique." Simon disagrees. "I like you … I thought the first part was completely copycat .. the second part was great" and in the third part "the tuning went." Interruptions, boos. Ryan argues with Simon that Blake wasn't copycatting. Randy chimes in. Simon finally says "I will bow to the god of Paula Abdul. I won't have an opinion." Blake tries to exit, Ryan makes him talk about the scatting.

And then we're in another break. I will spend it bowing to the god of Paula Abdul.

Brandon. Dedicated to his grandmother. "Time After Time." Interesting start. Struggles at the chorus — too slow. Doesn't sell the big part. C minus. Randy calls it "kind of boring." Brandon says he was trying to put his heart in the song and it didn't need a lot of extra. Paula stays on Brandon's message. Simon agrees with Randy. Paula takes issue. Ryan boosts Brandon, who also mentions that it's his father's birthday (as if the grandma thing isn't going to get enough votes). Simon snarks about the birthday — "and I love puppies." But come on, Simon, this isn't just a singing competition — never was.

Chris Richardson. Another grandma dedication. Song: Jason Mraz's "Geek in the Pink." Must be some interesting grandma. I like his style, but he's not sending me until near the end. Still, a decent B. Randy says, "Chris is in it to win it." Paula asks if grandma knows the song. Chris admits she wanted a country song. Simon calls it best performance of the night "by a mile."

Another break. I'm being a curbside prophet. (Hi, Kris!) The break includes more kiss-kiss for Jennifer Hudson.

Sundance. Dedicated to his son. Gets teary during the video. Then sings "Mustang Sally." Going for the soul thing. He's not Wilson. He's not even Small Paul and Drivin' Wheel playing in a biker bar in Phoenix. C. Paula goes standing-O. Randy says, "Wow wow wow. … You dropped the bomb on it." Paula says "I didn't know you had range like that." Simon says this is the Sundance "that we really really liked" — but "I still think you can do better." Ryan plays up the dedication to his son. But it's a singing competition, right?

Recap. I am thinking that they're being nicer to Sundance because he had a lot of votes last week — he's obviously playing to the Taylor Hicks constituency. Ryan says "the guys are back." Paula exults in agreement. Pressed by Ryan, Simon agrees it was better.

No chat with Foxworthy? I guess the umpteen promos were seen as sufficient. No, wait, Ryan closes the show with a plug, an introduction of Foxworthy, some chatting and a sample question. (A trapezoid, by the way, has four sides.) And we're done.

Here's the info on the latest podcast:

Listen: http://www.ohiomm.com/podcasts/american_idol/070222.mp3

Subscribe: http://www.ohiomm.com/podcasts/RSS/idol.xml

As for the show, spoilers after the jump …

It's that time again: About a minute of news wrapped in an hour's worth of filler. I'm already feeling a little queasy about what could lie ahead. DialIdol.com projects that LaKisha Jones, Antonella Barba, Melinda Doolittle, Sundance Head, Sanjaya Malakar and Chris Richardson will not be kicked off. Assuming that's correct, Sundance and Antonella will probably keep spots that should go to more deserving singers.

Anyway, show's on. Celeb coaches announcement: Diana Ross, Jon Bon Jovi, Jennifer Lopez, Gwen Stefani, Tony Bennett, Martina McBride, Lulu, Peter Noone, Barry Gibb.

Recap of the last two nights. Group sing: "Sowing the Seeds of Love." Guys begin it, and it's sad. The women work harder, but it's not something I want to hear again. And so to the break.

We're back. Ryan with the guys. Asks Nick if he's nervous. Says to Chris Sligh, "never nervous," and Sligh admits concern that he had seemed disrespectful of Simon. He's not , he says.

Lining up a row of guys: Brandon Rogers, safe. Sundance Head, safe. Argh. Chris Richardson, safe. Nick Pedro, safe. So far, no one in the row is going home. Blake Lewis, safe.

Paul Kim is out. He was at the bottom of my men's rankings, but so was Sundance. Usual advice and comfort from judges, followed by the Sing-The-Song-That-Ruined-You moment. And he's really bad again on "Careless Whisper."

Back from a break. Now we're going to check on some of the women. Again, a row is summoned.

Jordin Sparks, safe. Stephanie Edwards, safe. Sabrina Sloan, safe. Leslie Hunt, safe. Melinda Doolittle, safe. Antonella Barba, safe. Argh on the last one.

Amy Krebs gets the boot. I had her around the middle of the pack. though well behind the big three. (And I just noticed that I left a couple of names out of my end-of-night women's ranking. Will revise later.) Told to do her farewell song, she asks if she can do something different. No such luck. "I Can't Make You Love Me." Sounds worse than last night.

Announcement of American Idol challenge, trivia contest. Easy question. Will we also get a discussion of the new Idol camp for kids? Not yet. Fantasia appears in an ill-fitting dress. Ryan obligingly plugs her album and eases into her announcement that she's going to be in The Color Purple on Broadway. Ryan turns to Quincy Jones for comment — then cuts off Q before he can finish. Fantasia sings. Very pop, in a Dreamgirls way. This is how we pad an hour.

Back with the women. Haley Scarnato, safe. LaKisha Jones, safe. Gina Glocksen, safe.

Nicole Tranquillo is going home. Alaina Alexander, my worst of the night, is safe. Nicole's sing-off on "Stay" is so terrible, it reminds me of Alaina on Wednesday. Paula is up and dancing as she sings. Here's my new theory for her slurring voice: She has lost most of her hearing. That would also explain a lot of her judgment of vocals.

The guys. Ryan's worried about time being short. Chris Sligh, safe. Phil Stacey, safe. Jared Cotter, safe. A.J. Tabaldo, safe.

Rudy Cardenas is out. Sanjaya Malakar stays. Rudy was near the top of my list, but it was a list full of ordinariness. Paula speaks up for him. "People didn't get who you were," she says, adding that his falsetto is "amazing." I'm not so impressed but would have kept him around and dumped some others.

More later. And keep an eye out for a link to a podcast with me and Malcolm X Abram.

The women kick in the men's teeth, after the jump …

Starting a little late but will catch up in the commercial breaks. So far, I've seen the recap of last night's men's performances, which I would just as soon forget. And the first introduction of the women. Looks as if LaKisha Jones will close the show. Introduction of the judges. Ryan busts Randy for saying to take a risk, then saying singers were too risky. Randy disagrees. Paula struggles once again to be the Thumper of the judges. Simon pleasant. Ryan brings up the Chris Sligh argument; Simon says he likes it when a contestant shows a bit of spirit. Ryan presses the point, with a picture. Simon calls him obnoxious.

Recaps of the women leading into the break.

And we're back, feeling almost as smart as a 5th grader.

First up, Stephanie Edwards. Going old-school, which is the way the judges liked her. "How Come You Don't Call Me," almost jazzy. Shaky voice at first. Gets much stronger as she goes. Double-knee drop. C plus, although the last half was more like a B, and it feels better than last night already. Judges rave.

Another break, then we're on the couch. Ryan asks how the guys did. Discussion does not include criticism. Ryan presses, but no luck.

Amy Krebs. Makeover in progress — better makeup/skin now than in the audition footage. "I Can't Make You Love Me." So-so at the beginning. Closeups in HD show there's still a skin problem. She's picking up but not kicking it out. Too slow. C. Randy calls it "kind of a medium, middle-of-the-road performance." Paula agrees at some length. Simon asks for a translation. Randy provides it. Simon then says she "has the personality of a candle … there's nothing to remember." Paula acts offended. Didn't she just agree that she wasn't that good? Amy admits the judges have a point. Simon piles on more criticism. Ryan calls Simon "the fashion disaster."

Leslie Hunt. I think we're seeing more of her than we did through all the previous telecasts. Oh, no, she's going Aretha: "Natural Woman." Uh, oh, she's good. Well, not that good. Well, maybe. She works the camera like mad. C plus, and she could be very dangerous in this competition. Randy thought the song was a little big for her. Paula thought she did a great job but warned her about song choice. Simon says it wasn't great; thinks she looked embarrassed and ungainly. Snarking among the judges about Simon's dog-walker imagery. Ryan translates. Can no one speak clearly? Randy brings up the Dawg Pound — meaning the guys. Who in the real Dawg Pound would be chewed up, the marrow sucked from their bones, and the remains thrown onto a pile of empty beer cups.

And the recording has caught up with real time. No more fast-forwarding, alas.

Sabrina Sloan. Relishing a standing O from Paula in Hollywood. Has she not seen how many standing-O's Paula gives? More Aretha: "I Never Loved A Man the Way I Loved You." Holy crap. For the first time this week, I'm hearing someone I really really want to hear again. B plus. Randy says we finally have a season six competition; "yo, that's the one to beat right there." Paula gives her another standing O. Simon says she proved the point between taking part and genuinely having a desire to win, calls it the best performance so far.

Antonella Barba. Shouldn't be here. She was not as good as the woman she was paired with for the final pick. "I Don't Want To Miss a Thing." Another wobbly start. Bad on the chorus, too, but getting cover from backup singers and the band. After Sloan, she sounds even worse. Some improvement in the later stages but not enough. And yet, still better than the worst of the guys. C minus. Randy is suffering but has "to keep it real." Says it wasn't good. But Paula insists "it wasn't bad" and calls her "an amazingly beautiful girl." But the one she aced out in Hollywood wasn't bad looking. Simon says the song was "way way way too big for you." With Ryan's urging, she asks for advice. They say pick a better song. Simon says the performance was "like Ryan doing the news." Ryan says she was better than him doing the news.

Break, including another promo for the "O.C." series finale. Gee, remember when it was a good show? First season. But in the second, it was no longer DVR-worthy.

Oh, show's back. Jordin Sparks. They're working Simon's saying she was too sweet. "Give Me One Reason." Let me say it this way: THE GUYS ARE SO SCREWED. Grade: A. Could I order her CD now, please? Randy positive but tells her to challenge herself. "I don't know if there's any song too big for you." Paula says great song selection. Simon notes a big change, brings up the "sweet" thing.

Into the second hour. Nicole Tranquillo. Chaka's "Stay." Not good. Attitude is not supported by the voice. Good attitude, though. And the voice gets better. C veering toward a C plus late. Randy says "it wasn't really working for me." Paula asks the guys what they think. "What you expect them to say, that that was bad?" Randy asks. Paula praises the notes she hit. Does not acknowledge the ones she missed. Says it was "out of this world." Simon tweaks Paula, calls the performance "indulgent … aggressive" and fake. Randy adds "wrong kind of vibe." Randy later adds "too urban." Ryan tries to use her to pick a fight. Nicole's not playing, but Ryan still wants one.

Haley Scarnato. She's going for a ballad plus cleavage. "It's All Coming Back To Me Now." She's impressive, but this is a tough night. B minus. Randy labors again, then says it was just all right — nothing special with it. Paula thinks "you did a nice job" but hoped for a different song. Simon says she sounded 40. "A bit like being at a reasonably good hotel and that's the last song of the evening." He's forgetting that a lot of people over 40 watch the show — and vote often. Haley says she'll be true to herself.

Coming: Melinda Doolittle, backup singer. Third Aretha of the night, after the break.

And here we are. Ryan touts the Fantasia Barrino performance tomorrow. Doolittle recap. "Since You've Been Gone." Good start but she begins to lose me. Very capable, only there's a charisma gap here, I think. It's one of those things where Aretha transcends the song, and Doolittle is just singing it. C plus. Judges love it. Simon brings up that she has a good story — and that may sell her as much or more as her singing.

Alaina Alexander; Ryan reminds everyone that she's the crying one. Recap underscores that. "Brass in Pocket." HORRIBLE start. She is degrading Akron's sacred Chrissie Hynde. Send her home now. Worst woman of the night. She'd have to sing with the guys to seem good. D. Randy not pleased. Paula tries to soften the blow in translating Randy, but is also unthrilled. Simon notes the song is very difficult to make your own. BECAUSE IT BELONGS TO CHRISSIE HYNDE. Ryan brings up her passion; Simon says she can go to "Passion Idol." Ryan keeps trying to rescue her; Simon asks if he's trying to date her.

Gina Glocksen. "All By Myself." Good presence. Not overwhelmed by the voice yet. OK, there it is. I'm not entirely sold, but she ends OK. C plus. Randy loves it. Paula calls it "right song." Simon didn't think she hit the big note — especially in comparison to Celine Dion. Could we get some love for Cleveland's Eric Carmen, please?

LaKisha Jones — being touted in local news promos as having a Cleveland connection — and going with "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going." Talk about raising the bar. Could I have that "holy crap" with cheese? It's not Hudson or Holliday, but she doesn't get to do the whole song, either. A. Judges exult. Simon says he's tempted to tell the other 23 singers to book their plane tickets home.

I said the guys are screwed. I was wrong. Unless they change the elimination rules, some really good women may go home while sub-mediocre guys get by.

Hey, Ryan brings up the quotas. Randy says he'd keep four guys and eight women. Could we hope even a little for a rules twist? Simon says three or four tonight were in a different league from the rest, and Jones has thrown down the gauntlet.

Final ranking: Sparks/Jones, Sloan (and I'd happily give them all a bye to the finals right now), Scarnato, Glocksen, Krebs, Hunt, Tranquillo, Barba, Alexander.

Ian Ziering gets a big advantage, Heather Mills moves on after Macca, and more, after the jump …

Although some of this has already leaked, here are the names and the bios direct from ABC:

LAILA ALI – Ali, an undefeated world champion female boxer and youngest daughter of sports legend Muhammad Ali, takes her footwork to the ballroom dance floor on “Dancing with the Stars.” Outside the ring, Ali has graced countless international magazine covers such as Glamour and Italian Vogue, and authored the inspiring autobiography Reach! She joins MAKSIM CHMERKOVSKIY, who returns for his third season.

BILLY RAY CYRUS – Singer/songwriter/actor and star of Disney Channel’s hit series “Hannah Montana,” Cyrus will partner with Season Three’s finalist, KARINA SMIRNOFF, who returns for her second season. Cyrus first entered the public spotlight with his hit song “Achy Breaky Heart.” His other acting credits include the feature film “Mulholland Drive” and the starring role in the series “Doc.”

CLYDE DREXLER – Named One of the 50 Greatest Players in NBA History, “Clyde the Glide” was a member of the 1992 U.S. Olympic Dream Team. He began his career in 1983 with the Portland Trailblazers and retired in 1998 with the Houston Rockets, a team he led to the 1995 NBA Championship. ELENA GRINENKO, who returns for her second season, will be his partner.

JOEY FATONE – The musician/actor/star of Broadway was a member of one of the most popular singing groups of all time, *NSYNC, which holds the records for the most albums sold in a single day and week. He has since starred in the movies “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” and "The Cooler, and in the Broadway musicals “Rent" and "Little Shop of Horrors.” Fatone joins partner KYM JOHNSON, who returns for her second season.

SHANDI FINNESSEY – During the most watched Miss USA® competition in six years, Shandi Finnessey was crowned Miss USA in 2004. She is the host of two game shows on the Game Show Network – “Lingo” with Chuck Woolery and “Playmania.” Newcomer BRIAN FORTUNA will be her professional dance partner.

LEEZA GIBBONS – Former host of “Entertainment Tonight, “Extra” and her self-titled daytime talk-show, “Leeza,” the TV/radio personality currently hosts the nationally syndicated radio program, “Hollywood Confidential." Leeza is also the founder of the Leeza Gibbons Memory Foundation, a nonprofit organization offering empowerment and education to caregivers and their loved ones diagnosed with any memory disorder. She teams up with TONY DOVOLANI, who returns for his third season.

HEATHER MILLS – United Nations Goodwill Ambassador, activist for Adopt-a-Minefield and advocate for animal rights Heather Mills will be the first contestant to compete with an artificial limb. She will be partnered with JONATHAN ROBERTS, who returns for his third season.

APOLO ANTON OHNO – Two-time Olympic gold medal winner Apolo Anton Ohno sets his sights on another trophy to add to his collection, the “Dancing with the Stars” Mirror Ball. As a short-track speed skater, Ohno has a total of five Olympic medals, tying him with Eric Heiden for the most medals of any U.S. Male Winter Olympian. JULIANNE HOUGH teams with Ohno in her first appearance.

VINCENT PASTORE – Known for his standout role in “The Sopranos,” actor Vincent Pastore has also appeared in several movies, including “Revolver,” directed by Guy Ritchie, “Gotti” and “Goodfellas.” He was also the voice of Luca in the animated feature “Shark Tale.” Pastore teams with EDYTA SLIWINSKA, the only professional dancer to participate in all four seasons.

PAULINA PORIZKOVA – As the former face of Estee Lauder, Porizkova was once the highest paid supermodel in the world of fashion. She was featured on the cover of several magazines, including the “Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Issue” for two consecutive years. This Spring Porizkova releases her first work of fiction, A Model Summer. Season One champ ALEC MAZO returns for his second appearance.

IAN ZIERING – One of the stars of the hit TV series “Beverly Hills 90210,” actor Ian Ziering also played a supporting role in the movie “Domino,” and wrote, produced, directed and starred in the short film “Man vs. Monday.” He teams with two-time defending champion CHERYL BURKE, who returns for her third season.

In an exclusive first televised interview with a member of the Season Four cast, late-night talk-show host Jimmy Kimmel welcomes LEEZA GIBBONS tonight on ABC’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (12:05-1:05 a.m., ET).

“Dancing with the Stars’” fourth season will premiere Monday, March 19 with a two-hour premiere (8:00-10:00 p.m., ET). To offer viewers two weeks to see the performers in action before the first elimination, the first results show will air on Week Two. The second performance show, airing Monday, March 26, will also be two hours in length (8:00-10:00 p.m.), and the first results show will air Tuesday, March 27 (9:00-10:00 p.m., ET).

Hosted by Tom Bergeron (“America’s Funniest Home Videos”) and Samantha Harris (“E! Entertainment”), the celebrities will perform choreographed dance routines which will be judged by renowned Ballroom judge Len Goodman and dancer/choreographers Bruno Tonioli and Carrie Ann Inaba.

What was that cackle from Paula, Simon makes a bad fat joke and other notes, after the jump …

I had a church meeting tonight, so I'm about two hours behind on "American Idol" (and neglected to record "Veronica Mars" but that's another post). Fortunately, the early hype, the recaps and what-not will give me some quick catching up. Glad I didn't speed through Paula's weird cackle, though. There's a loop to be made of that. …

Audition vignettes. Hollywood vignettes. The Stones' "I'm Free" as background. Commercials. Way to zoom 10 minutes.

First up: Rudy Cardenas. More audition recap. Zooming to his song. "Free Ride." He's energetic, charming but a little tinny — not a lot of texture to his voice. The women contestants are clapping along but I don't feel a lot of enthusiasm. C plus. Randy thinks he could hear it any bar in America. Paula thinks he was fantastic. (What a surprise.) Simon does not find anything unique. Paula grumps. Randy says Simon is right. Paula insists his voice is fantastic. Ryan is already trying to pick fights between contestants and judges.

Commercial. Guys in the couch room. Ryan wants Chris Sligh to describe the buzz. He obliges. Filler filler filler.

Brandon Rogers, backup singer. Recap. I'm grabbing a soda.

Actually enough time for a soda and a tuna sandwich. Brandon does "Rock With You." I've liked this guy before but he's not sending me tonight. Poor on the high parts. And the beat — the band's fault — is sluggish. Disappointing, and nothing save it at the end. C minus. Randy's bringing out the "pitchy. … a little weird here and there." Paula says he did a great job — then tries to agree with Randy. Simon says he's a very good singer but "a safe and predictable song." He admits to Ryan that he wanted a song he was comfortable with.

Time for Sundance Head. The song is "Nights in White Satin." Oh, he's bad. What has happened to this guy since the auditions? He has a big voice but not much control of it. D. Randy says he has abandoned his bluesy vibe — and that's not good. Paula thinks he picked the wrong song. Simon calls him "dad at a wedding."

Paul Kim. "Careless Whisper." Almost spoken at the beginning and it doesn't get much better. Another D. Could we change the rules — maybe pick four guys and eight women? Randy feels it was weird at the beginning, but sees a lot of promise in him. Paula said he "kind of oversang the song" and he "didn't find your center." She seems disoriented. Simon says Paul should have his shoes on. "Who cares? It's a singing competition." Paula makes a stinky-feet swipe at Simon. Simon calls it "a third-rate version" of the song. Scattered boos. Ryan enters with his shoes off. "Way to be solid," Randy says.

Chris Richardson. Likes the Justin comparisons, and goes with a Justin-ish suit. "I Don't Want To Be Anything Other Than Me." (I had to look it up.) So-so, not great, but on this night at least a C plus. Randy says the show just started. "You made it kind of work." Randy misidentifies who did the song; Simon corrects him. Paula almost forms a sentence in praising "great arrangement, great flavor." Simon thought it a bad vocal but likes Chris. Randy disagrees. Paula snaps, "Oh, whatever."

Nick Pedro. Ryan tries to make him nervous before the performance. "Now and Forever." Pleasant. C-ish. (Hey, I'm tired.) Randy is giving him an "I don't know" and "it wasn't good for me. … I feel like I lost Nick." Paula thought it "kind of fell flat." Simon "didn't think it was that bad, actually."

Rounded the turn into the second hour. Blake Lewis, the beat box. Going ballad-y ith "Somewhere Only We Know." A little trouble on the high notes, but not unpleasant. C. Randy missed the beat-box but also liked it. Paula thought his vocals were "spot on." She may not be able to hear through … that hair. Simon calls him the first person who has sounded like someone in 2007. "By far the best performance we've had tonight."

By the way, Ryan is annoying me again. He loses a lot between auditions and the real competition.

Sanjaya Malakar goes Stevie Wonder, "Knocks Me Off My Feet." Very raw through much of it; a little more authority at the end, but still not there. D plus. Randy is not pleased. Paula thinks he's "a sweet soul" but wants more personality. Simon notes that the song says "I don't want to bore you with this" and says half the band was asleep. Paula takes umbrage. Randy says "it was bad but it wasn't that bad."

Chris Sligh. "Typical." Reminds me of Chris Daughtry in the I-know-what-I-am way, good command of voice and the stage. C plus/B minus. The judges-plus-Ryan hit a new level of bickering. Chris mouths off at Simon by saying "just because I don't sing Il Divo or Teletubbies …" Simon, who has been pretty good this season about staying away from the fat jokes, says Chris could do "the latter." Eek. Simon is very ticked. Ryan won't let the Teletubbies thing go.

Back to the couch. Ryan wonders if Jared Cotter is ready to face the judges "after all the fireworks" (which Ryan kept burning, by the way). He's cute but he is having big problems with the vocal on Brian McKnight's "Back at One." Another D, maybe a D plus for finally hitting a high note. Randy admits "it's a tough song" but it was all right. Paula wants more up-tempo songs. Simon thought he was nasal-y.

A.J. Tabaldo. We're getting near the end of the performances, so there should be some good stuff to send us home with. He's doing "Never Too Much." This is not just a Luther song, this is one of my favorite Luther songs. He's got personality but in the parts where he should kick, he comes up short. C. Randy approves. Paula thought he did a great job — but "go for it more." Simon thought it was good, "nothing great, nothing terrible. … kind of a theme park performance." Wants more daring.

Phil Stacey, sailor and new dad. Terrible start on "I Could Not Ask for More." Much better when he picks up the mike and tries to sell the song. C/C plus overall. Randy thinks it was the best performance of the night. (So does my bride.) Paula's in love. Simon calls the beginning "absolutely monstrous" but says it got better. Ryan says Phil has "the Britney Spears haircut" — but the show was probably taped before her return to rehab, which Ryan was hyping on E! earlier today.

So where am I? Still not going crazy over any of the guys. My ranking works out to, in descending order, Chris S, Rudy/Chris R, Phil, Blake, A.J., Nick, Brandon, Sanjaya, Jared, Sundance/Paul. Definitely time for Sundance to go home, but voters are tricky.

And that's it for tonight.

It's time for the elevator ride, after the jump …

The gang of 40 has gathered, knowing a bunch of them will be going home. As is traditional, they have to go from a waiting room up a camera-bearing elevator.

Sanjaya Malakar first. Bit of him singing "Some Kind of Wonderful." Sister didn't make it to the 40. He is one of the 24.

Anna Kearns next. Sang "Respect" in Seattle. The "giraffe" as Simon called her. She calls him on the comment. He apologizes. But she doesn't go to the 24.

Bernard Williams. Birmingham auditions. No go.

Eric Davis, Tami Gosnell, also out.

Melinda Doolittle. Background singer. Was very good in Hollywood. Simon says her being a backup means someone is usually better — but she is good enough for the round of 24.

Back to back background singers. Brandon Rogers. He's a 24.

I've been watching a lot of TV in real time lately. And reminded how much more fun it is to be able to fast-forward through commercials. Especially ones I have seen about a hundred times before.

We're back for what Ryan is calling the "final judgment." Seems to me "Idol" has that in May.

Gina Glocksen. Paula is showing empathy — then says she's in the 24. "Shut up!" Gina says. Tears of joy in the elevator.

Jimmy McNeal, Errick Johnson, no go.

Haley Scarnato is in the 24. Philip Stacy, had Simon and Paula swaying with his song in Hollywood; had missed his daughter's birth for the auditions. Is also in the 24.

Back from the break. Plug for "The Simpsons" movie (which was screened for the Hollywood group). Includes premiere date. A visit to the "Simpsons" studio. And then Chris Sligh (big-curly-hair guy).

Simon says he's one of the most popular contestants but not one of the better singers. Still, he's in the 24.

Beat-box boy, Blake Lewis, is in the 24.

Thomas Lowe does not. Rudy Cardenas, last of the group with Sligh, Lowe and Beat-Box, is in. About halfway through the show, I think we've seen nine of the 24.

Paul Kim relaxes during the wait by going barefoot — and with lucky underwear. In the 24, although Paula says it's a "split decision."

Jordin Sparks. Randy says she was good in audition, nervous in Hollywood. She's in 24.

Quick run of three women who were rejected'; will fill in names later. A.J. Tabaldo, trying to get through for the fifth time, gets through.

Stephanie Edwards. In 24.

Leslie Hunt, also in, even though she didn't sound as good as Edwards or Tabaldo on Stevie Wonder's "Until You Come Back to Me."

Nicholas Pedro, dropout in Hollywood before, gets through to the 24 this time. They've jammed through a bunch since the last break.

Alaina Alexander, a constant crier. Looks as if she's going to cry even before they tell her the news. "I don't want to go home," she says. Really bad clip of her singing in Hollywood. "We thought about this a lot," Randy says. She's in. Starts asking for advice. "Probably blow your nose," Simon says.

Chris Richardson, in. Sabrina Sloan, in. Jerome Chism, out. Joelle James, out. Matt Buckstein, out. Princess Johnson, out. She asks the judges one more time before she leaves. Answer's the same.

Strong-voiced single mom Lakisha Jones. Simon asks if she thinks she's done well. She does. If you don't make it through, what will you do? Simon asks. No regrets? he adds. And then, she's in. And Simon, near as I can recall, hasn't made a snarky comment about her size. Is enlightenment possible?

I'm scribbling desperately as I go, and have 10 guys picked and nine women so far. At least this makes for a fast-paced hour, commercials for "The Wedding Bells" notwithstanding.

Seven contestants left. Nicole Tranquillo, in. Jared Cotter, in. One guy spot left. Amy Krebs, in. One woman's spot left.
It's time for the two-chairs, one winner ritual.

Antonella Barba and Marisa Rhodes are the last women. "It's time to keep it real and bring down the truth," Randy intones. Antonella makes the 24, Marisa does not. I am thinking of the end of "For Your Consideration," when actors have to deal with being described as nearly getting an Oscar nomination. Marisa is sobbing in the elevator.

The guys. Sundance Head, who was not good in what we saw of Hollywood, and Thomas Daniels. They shake hands in the elevator. Thomas is jumping up and down. Sundance gets the spot. Paula tells Thomas he's "brilliant." Then what does that make Sundance? Thomas bleeps in the elevator. Sundance says that, if he makes it, he'll hire Thomas as his bodyguard. This does not appear to strike Thomas as a great offer.

Dancing recap of the 24, women first, then men. Credits roll as men dance. Next week, the real deal.

The piles are above the ankle, more is coming and the snowblower has already given up. But we're inside watching "Idol." Immediate shocker, after the jump …

Well, the first group of six women sing, 30 individual seconds each, and the judges send them all home, presumably because the Hollywood mob is loaded with women. Goodbye to Jory Steinberg of Santa Monica, Geri Guyer of Altoona, Pa., Kelly Caruso of Pittstown, NJ, Lisa Morrison of Selden, NY, Christen Itam of Fredericksburg, VA, and Jeromisha Lemar of Philadelphia. "None of you are any good," says Simon. "Absolutely terrible start."

Commercial congratulating Carrie Underwood on her Grammy success. Of course, she made sure to thank "Idol" during her Grammy acceptance.

Next group: Perla Meneses of Margate, FL; Rachel Jenkins, the Army reservist (with husband in Iraq) from Minnesota; four unidentified others. Perla and one other go on, although Simon calls Perla "personality over talent." Jenkins is among the four sent home.

Texan Baylie Brown gets a sizable bit of singing time on the air. And she's good. She moves on with what looks like two others. (The show is not identifying many contenders.) Other ousters: Sarah Burgess of East Palestine, Ohio; Ashlyn Carr and Porcelana Patino.

Is there a twist coming? Ryan wonders if they cut too many on the first day. Final woman, Nicole Turner of Richmond, CA., argues with her mom about what to sing, finally agrees to Aretha's "Ain't No Way" to make mom and aunt happy. She gets sent home along with an "Ashley." Nicole tearful, mom goes to the judges to ask for another chance. Simon says it wasn't the song. Nicole says "I didn't feel the darn song." Arguing. Paula calls Simon obnoxious. Paula is, as so often the case, wrong.

Quick caps of more women let through. 114 women went to Hollywood, 56 were dumped the first day.The guys sing after the break.

First guy we see: Sundance Head, but no judging. Then former Hollywood guy Brian Miller of Placentia, CA; we hear him sing. "The boys are starting way ahead of the girls," says Randy. Next: Navy guy Jarrod Fowler of Arizona. Then Matt Sato from Minnesota. Michael Lawson, Sato, Chris (the big-curly-haired guy) and a fourth guy get through. Fowler doesn't. Sato makes another happy-tearful phone call home.

34 guys get through, more than half.

After the break, the 92 contestants are told, in Ryan's words, "it's time for the infamous group round." They can team up with anyone, and choose a song from a list of nine. One woman has no group. Matt Sato has no group, then gets invited into one. Matt Buckstein, a Hollywood retread, puts a group together quickly. Chris Sligh, the big-hair guy, struggles with choreography.

The usual drama of not all groups in synch; Baylie Brown's is one with arguments. Another group bickers at the hotel. Now Baylie's group is struggling with lyrics. Been here, seen this. Amanda (from Baylie's group) goes to ogle guys. Other bickering hotel crowd bickers more. And so to the break.

And back. 8 a.m. on group day. Ryan: "Some groups have gelled … but elsewhere cracks have formed." At the judging, Simon warns the contestants to know the words. Clip of singer ousted for botched lyrics. Matt Sato botches lyrics, and sings badly. He's out. A last phone call home.

Back to the Bickerettes. Gina Glocksen, Perla Meneses (who botches the words and sings badly), Marisa Rhodes. fourth unknown. Perla is bounced, the others kept for the final round.

Chris Sligh, Rudy Cardenas, Blake Lewis, Thomas Lowe all shine as soloists; bad harmony, but all four go through. Back to Sundance Head. Rocky on his first day, but got through. Second day, he's with L'Paige Bedford and Robyn Troup. They're unimpressive. He's worse. Lots of yelling. But he still gets through, although he says, "I am not an example for anyone trying out for this show." Simon says they were gentle to let him through.

The Return of Baylie's Bunch: Antonella Barba (bad), Brown (who forgets the words), Amanda Coluccio, who seizes the moment. Brown's out. The other two survive. Baylie says she worked harder and confronts the others. No matter.

All told, 36 people sent home on the second day. 56 remain. A teaser about a final decision. The usual putting individuals into three rooms in groups. Twenty people in the first room, including Chris Sligh; they all get to stay. Second room (another 20) also gets through. Third room: Bye-bye. Antonella makes it but not Amanda. Sanjaya gets through but not his sister. Credits roll. Tomorrow night: Forty becomes 24.

Tomorrow: 40 goes to 24 — 12 men, 12 women. Is it just me, or does it feel as if the show is moving very fast?

Night of the nonstop nicknames and other stuff, after the jump …

Haven't gotten through all the Thursday night shows I wanted yet, but here's a start:

Boo, Rocky, Dreamz — "Survivor" was indeed the night of the nonstop nicknames. Reasonably diverting episode, especially for the premiere, but I'm still trying to sort out characters. It was better, though, to have put aside the deliberate racial baggage from last go-round, since the issue will arise anyway just from the people interacting. I'll be back for more.

"Grey's" felt off. Probably the burden of coming up with a big, multi-part sweeps story. Didn't buy Izzie spending so much time with one patient. Meredith's end-of-episode plunge was silly. There was a real lack of urgency in the way everyone approached the disaster, at the scene and at the hospital, and a distinct absence of organization at the scene. Bailey when written properly doesn't allow that level of chaos. And, while it may have been partly because I was so tired when I started watching, the whole episode felt slow — dragged out, again probably a function of having to keep the story going for at least another week.

"The Office" was one of those make-you-squirm episodes more than a make-you-laugh, as Michael longed to be the center of attention at Phyllis's wedding. My buddy Alan Sepinwall mentioned this morning that the cake scene at the end felt out of place, and it is — Michael should have been kicked out of the reception by that point. My guess is that it was a deleted scene they decided to tack on before the credits, knowing that it gives them an easy cut for syndication.

In case you're wondering if I had anything to say about Anna Nicole Smith, you can find today's column here.

Malcolm X Abram and I talked about the last of this season's audition shows — and about what could lie down the road.

Listen here.

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Last night I was at a screening of "Music and Lyrics." More about that in a later post. For now, let's take a look at "American Idol," after the jump …

Last shot before Hollywood and 172 contestants sent there. Scandals and ousters already being reported as the field has narrowed and the investigative focus sharpened.

Framework is lessons in auditioning. "Lesson 1: The Look." "That snappy little outfit might be just what you need," intones Ryan as we see distinctly not snappy garb. Focus on woman in checked shorts, red pumps, hat with veil and stuff I can't begin to describe. Singing not worth describing. "I don't know what that is," says Paula, probably not for the first time in her life. Tension with Simon, who refers to the singer's dancing, prompting a Paula snap that "that wasn't dancing." Singer asks if she can do something else. "Juggle," says Simon. Paula looks short on sleep and long on crabby. Singer cries. Judges vote again. Still a no.

Memphis audition. No fancy clothes on Tami Gosnell, 29, of Colorado, but a lip ring. She does "Whipping Post." Not bad, although I miss the Allman Brothers. Simon's nodding. "I really really like you," he says. Big three votes for Hollywood. I'm ready to hear her again.

Fast-forwarding through teaser and commercial break. "Lesson 2: Seek Inspiration." Singers mention ones who inspired them, including Paul Kim, 25, of California, inspired by William Hung because he wants the world to know that not all Asians are bad singers. Does "If I Ever Fall in Love." Has studied his smooth R&B. Yes from the judges, including Olivia Newton-John. Paula offers an extended compliment, Simon keeps rushing her. Hollllllllllllywood.

Singer inspired by Bo's acappella. Apparently took inspiration instead of singing lessons. Simon calls him "deluded." "I apologize," singer says.

"Lesson 3: Never Give Up." More repeat auditioners than ever, Ryan says. Woman who loves Simon, trying for third time. Oh, for pete's sake, could we put a stop to "Black Velvet" auditions? Gina Glocksen, 22, Naperville, Ill., replicates the recording, but that's about it. Still gets three votes for Hollywood.

Back from a break. Sequence of contestants talking about how much they like Simon. Snarling at Randy. Props for Paula. Leading into a Paula fan so excited that she gives him a hug. Too bad he can't sing. Simon cracks wise, then makes Paula comment first. She struggles, praising his coming down, says he has a lot of heart and "it was a pleasure meeting you." But no vote for Hollywood. The guy is still happy for meeting Paula. And somewhere singers are screaming because they didn't get to the judges just so this guy could get mushy on camera.

"Lesson 4: Audition on Your Own." Three roller-skating California carhops, in the tradition of Kellie Pickler. First one can't handle "God Bless the Broken Road." Second, Ashley Cleland, 17, decent on Sarah Mac's "Angel." Simon cuts her off. Third, Ebony Jointer, 23, goes for Whitney's "I Believe in You and Me." Breathy but a lot of presence. Best of the lot, IMHO. "You can sing the phone book and it wouldn't matter," Simon says. "You're in a different league." First one not voted through. Ashley next; Paula criticizes her makeup — and blanches when Ashley calls it "motherly advice." Ashley still gets enough for Hollywood. Ebony, too, with no argument.

Long "Shrek" promo. Sequence of bad, or at least misguided, singers. Focus on one composer-singer. Olivia Newton-John seems in shock. I could actually see this song turned into some kind of arena-rock anthem — if done by a much better singer and good band with more foot-stomping. But he's not getting Hollywood.

"Lesson 5: Shake Your Moneymaker?" Sequence of auditions involving dance. Sadly. Much obviously shot apart from the auditions. Leads into 28-year-old from Nashville who picked up moves from Paula's dances. Squeaky falsetto, though. Simons says he'll never be a good singer — but Paula tries to ease the pain, calls him a "good person," hugs. Randy shakes his hand. But no one wans him in Hollywood.

"Lesson 6: Clarity." Leading into "Name That Song" bit, with singers butchering the likes of "Let's Stay Together." Salvation, hinted at in promos, is Lakisha Jones, 26, of Fort Meade, Md., who rips into Aretha's "Think." "Love this girl," says Simon, calling her "a good old-fashioned belter." Paula says "brilliant." Easy Hollywood.

Commercial, then video recap. Banter, dancing, Big Bird woman, endearing old guy, Castro-looking guy and so on. Promo for Hollywood. "The guys vs. the girls in our most ruthless competition yet." "I'm going to go back to being nobody," laments one performer. It won't be the first time.

San Antonio, and some guy who thinks he sounds like Billy Idol and Ozzy, after the jump …

Idol/Ozzy guy in fact shouts more than he sings, and is a quick reject. Ryan asks him to sing "Beauty & The Beast" outside. No better.

(Since I joined here a bit late, I haven't yet mentioned that the crowd song was the theme from "Rawhide." Does no one know "San Antonio Rose" anymore?)

Next: Haley Scarnato, 24, of San Antonio. Good-looking and not the worst singer on "I Can't Make You Love Me." Seems a Hollywood shoo-in. Simon thinks she's OK but "a bit cabaret," and gives her Hollywood. Ditto Paula and Randy.

Commercial, so this warning: Online seems a bit balky tonight. So if I vanish, it's technical difficulties.

Another commercial, so let me mention the attempt to find a naughty incident in Prince's halftime show at the Super Bowl — and say that the people trying to create it are looking for things where there aren't any. Some folks just want to find trouble in the post-Janet era. But Janet's action was unambiguous and … oh, the show is back!

Singer in what looks like a hand-lettered "Peace/Pure Love" shirt. She supposedly sings in a choir, but it must be the way Barney Fife soloed in that show on "Andy Griffith." The judges are saying no, the singer calls them rude. Randy says "it wasn't good." She says she's never heard of Randy before "AI." Tears outside. More trashing of the judges. Ryan: "Those are my friends. Two of them."

Small-town girl with a mom who looks young enough to be a contestant herself. Bailey Brown, 16, of Krum, Texas, doing Faith Hill's "Stronger." I like her tone. And very "Idol"-moldable, I suspect. She also gets stronger as she goes along. Simon says she's "born to be a pop star." Hello, Hollywood.

Another commercial: So … Janet was unambiguous and the reaction immediate, while there's a lobbying effort to declare Prince inappropriate. Waste of time and energy, and I don't care how many freeze-frames and blogs try to proclaim otherwise.

Back to the show. A very slow bit about trouble with the doors to the audition room. Didn't we see this before? In fact, its a blend, since we're seeing different doors. It was sort of amusing earlier in the season. Now, filler.

Two cousins, roommates, one who considers himself Bruce Banner, the other the Incredible Hulk. The Hulk does an "Amazing Grace" that has Paula and Randy laughing. Gee, Paula, isn't he beautiful in his own way? No Hollywood. Fakes an angry reaction for the crowd outside.

The other cousin, Akron Watson, 23, of Dallas. "A Change Is Gonna Come." Not very good either. Simon was bored. Paula urges him not to bore Simon. He tries "Let's Get It On." He gets Hollywood. Must make a note to ask the bosses if being named Akron counts as a local connection. (UPDATE: TMZ.com reports that Watson has been dumped. See the full story.)

Commercial: Hey, it's the talking Taco Bell lions!

Sequence of spectacularly bad singers. Extra air time for one singing "Vogue." More extended bit on one who does an incomprehensible "Black Velvet." Cries when rejected. Leads into Ryan's reference to "San An-Tone-Deaf."

Relief comes from Ashlyn Carr, 18, Sugarland, Texas. Beaten up in high school by "this big girl." Knows the work of Nina Simone and Michael Buble. Great smile, even if it doesn't go with the song. I'd send her to Hollywood. Randy is "a little confused." Paula says she needs to watch herself perform. Randy says no. Paula likewise. Simon says he would have said yes. Lots o'tears.

Simon says they made a mistake. Randy says bring her back, and they do. And it's a cliffhanger — her second try held until AFTER THE BREAK. Simon says choose a song the judges know. She picks "Inseparable." To me, not as good as the first time. Simon says she has some bad habits but that "there's something about you … too good to pass up." Randy says yes this time. Paula ditto. Simon likewise. She gets Hollywood.

Time for a semi-scary guy. Not Hollywood. Bleep-fest. Another ad break, then Jimmy McNeal, 23, of Waxahachie, who says he's singing "Cupid" — then gets to it via "Another Saturday Night." They must love Sam Cooke in San Antonio. And why not? Simon calls him "a little fun Ruben." Paula offers a little hand jive. Hollywood is on McNeal's itinerary.

End of San Antonio. Tomorrow: A roundup of stray auditions, "best of the rest" and "worst of the worst."

Olivia Newton-John makes her second appearance as a guest judge on a reality show in a week. First contestant has so many sound effects with his moves that it feels like a segment on "Funniest Videos." Which is not a bad comparison, considering how he sang….

Four nos. ONJ looks a little better than she did on "Grease: YTOTIW," where her eyebrows were permanently curved and her forehead unmoving… Next up: Another suspiciously old-looking contestant, with a voice that does not make his age an issue. Four more nos. Then a break, followed by bad singers in comparable costumes. One even odder than the Big Bird on Tuesday night.

A cute Hollywood story: Singer who's the daughter of one of Dean Martin's Golddiggers. As near as I can recall, the Golddiggers were known mainly as leggy dancers — so maybe this gal did inherit her unfortunate voice. Judges recognize that. Begging ensues. Paula, significantly cleavaged, is a major target of begging. ONJ considers "the hard part" to be the begging. What, she doesn't mind hesring all the bad singers? Now Mama Golddigger is brought into the room. She has a better sense of show biz than daughter does. Simon also considers mom "foxy."

Sequence of other contestants' begging follows. After a strong night of Birmingham auditions, Los Angeles is not impressing. Alaina Alexander, 24, of West Hollywood gets a Hollywood ticket, even though she is, as Randy says, "pitchy all over the place" on Michael Buble's "Feelin' Good." Does this tell us that they had to settle for so-so in L.A. — no matter how many "really's" Simon put in front of his "good" for her.

Back from the break. Now we get a woman who was influenced by Taylor Hicks and whose mother told her she wasn't "TV pretty." She flips at the sight of Taylor's image on the "Idol" backdrop. This is the high point of her appearance. Horrifying "Dancing in the Street." Ryan at least gives her a tepid "Soul Patrol" call-out as she leaves (to Hicks's "Do I Make You Proud").

Backup singer. Sometimes a promising source of contestants. Brandon Rogers, 28, of North Hollywood, does indeed deliver — on Willie's "Always on My Mind." Muffs one note, but Paula and ONJ are warm. Simon reads through the audition, then calls it the best of the day.

The teaser is for a tearjerker, and here it comes after the break. After another audition, though: Brian Miller, 19, a recidivist, tries to knock it out on "A Change Is Gonna Come." He hurts my ears, but he's cute — though Simon calls him "forgettable" and says he can't remember from last year. Randy, ONJ and Paula go yes — so it's Hollywood.

More teary run-up. It's for Sherman Pore, 64, of Los Angeles, whose "lady love of 20 years" urged him to get a petition to appear on the show, while she fought cancer. But he gets in the room, to tell the people that she died two days before the audition. "You Belong To Me" — one of my favorites. He's not great but he gets by, and Paula is a puddle. Simon shakes his hand. "I am a winner," he says.

Twenty-one people got Hollywood tickets this day, and we've seen three of them in 40 minutes. But I don't begrudge Sherman his moment.

More love: A couple, both auditioning. She's very bad thinks she can vamp Simon. It's not happening. Boufriend goes next. He's so bad, he freezes my DVR.

Another baddie after the break, then another "Idol"-ater, who says he he has been preparing for two years for the show. Don't people have jobs anymore? He's going to need one, and it won't be singing on "Idol." Then, the twist! He used a training DVD made by Randy and Paula.

Nineteen go from L.A. to Hollywood on Day 2. Next Tuesday: San Antonio. (This time, I watched the promo!)

Well, we're in Birmingham, famous both for "Idol" finalists and for being the subject of the Randy Newman song cited above. (Check out the "Good Old Boys" album, notable also for "Louisiana 1927," which has become a post-Katrina standard.) First contestant tries "Unchained Melody" and has them calling for security when she refuses to quit singing …

First Hollywoodie: Katie Bernard, 19, of Oviedo, Fla., gets extra air time for a bizarre speaking voice before demonstrating that she can indeed sing — "A House Is Not a Home," no less, not an easy tune. But Simon's not buying it and it takes a split decision, and a lot of pushing Paula, before Bernard gets the final Hollywood vote.

After the break: Tatiana McConnico, 17, of Georgia, has obviously listened to Aretha Franklin a great deal — and makes an interesting choice with "I Never Loved a Man The Way I Love You." Easy run to Hollywood. Two picks in 15 minutes. Is Birmingham that good, or just lacking real stinkers.

No golden ticket for a big woman with a single, spangled glove. Not that she's funny-horrible, though, she's just not good — and pushes her vocals into areas better left untouched. Bernard Williams II, of Birmingham, does well with Simon but is actually zapped by Paula (what, wasn't he pretty enough?) before Randy votes him through.

All right, here's the comedy. A woman from Atlanta, claiming to be 26 — and no one believes her — and wearing a top that would be great for, well, Big Bird. Big Bird sings better, though. Simon fumes. "I've got no idea what this show is anymore," he says. He compares her look to the Easter Bunny — obviously he's not someone who has spent much time around children — and gets her to admit she's 50.

We are at the break, and I am pausing to consider how silly Randy and Paula got in Birmingham, swaying and smiling during performances for no apparent reason other than they have had to sit through many auditions.

And we're back. Montage of more Hollywood picks. Then comes Jamie Lynn Ward, 16, of Reidsville, N.C., who wants to help her grandma and her paralyzed father who shot himself after catching his wife (Jamie Lynn's stepmom) cheating; shot his wife, too. Lawsy, is there a song in there somewhere. And maybe she will get to sing it someday, since she got a pass to Hollywood.

Chris Sligh, 28, of Greenville, S.C., was real "Idol" bait because he didn't look great and, based on the promos, had a serious voice. In the full audition? For one thing, he brings up last season and says he wants to make David Hasselhoff cry. Song: "A Kiss From a Rose." Not great on the high parts, and he starts running out of breath. Paula is on the giddy train about him. On he goes to Hollywood.

Sixteen people get Hollywood on the first day. Promo promises some badness. Into the break. Back: No Paula for day 2. We're into the women with the Cousin Itt hair, complete with "Addams Family" theme. Simon invites the long-haired mom into the audition. No raves for the vocals, no Hollywood. But she wasn't bad; maybe they just figured when makeover time came, she wasn't going to give up the hair.

And then, a sequence. First, one getting a "What the hell was that?" from Simon. But she gets an extra moment for thanking Simon for calling her bad, followed by others being insulted — and thanking Simon, too. Setting up, after the break, the woman who's been getting bleeped in the promos. But first … people supporting their auditioners with a cowbell, posters, matching T-shirts. T-shirt girl sounded good to me, very mature, but the judges aren't knocked out. Am wondering if they worried about sending too many Birminghamburgers to the Hollywood round, and got very picky about some.

T-shirt girl sounds even better followed by the tuneless "Like a Virgin" woman so thoroughly used in promos. She has a novel theory for her failure, though: "Maybe it's the floor or something." They let her sing on the carpet. "Proud Mary." Still bad. Randy and Simon are just laughing at her. Her parting shot: "Paula better than y'all, anyway." But wait, there's more — backtalk with the judges outside the audition room. She drops a bleeped word on Randy that has him saying, "What?" and Ryan complaining that it's too personal. (My first thought was that it was the n-word, but I couldn't be sure on replay.)

Twenty people to Hollywood total, which means they cut hard on the second day. "Like a Virgin" gets to close the show. On to San Antonio tomorrow; Los Angeles and a "best of the rest" clip show next week. [A correction to this information is below.] Hollywood starts Feb. 13. Still with me?

Many things to say about tonight's "Grease: You're the One That I Want" but I'll start with a simple one: How could anyone smile while singing "Walking in Memphis"? It's a booming song, to be sure, but one that does not remotely call for a big Ipana grin throughout. Yet that is what we got from Kevin, and I am still wondering why no one called Kevin on it — especially when Juliana was called on not conveying the drama in "The First Cut Is the Deepest."

But I am so cynical about the show at this point, that even with two Buckeyes in the competition (Kate and Ashley S.) I am wondering if what anyone does really matters. Besides the Kevin/Juliana inconsistency, here are a few reasons:

— Bringing Matt and Ashley A. back into the competition for no discernible reason other than that their stories were liked by the audience. Tonight's show indicated yet again that both are way out of their league as singers.

— Where most of the competition went two-by-two (two Dannys back-to-back, two Sandys likewise), Matt and Ashley A. were a separate pairing, which spared them from sounding even worse in comparison to the people who know what they're doing. Yes, their addition creates an odd number of men and of women. All the more reason NOT TO BRING THEM BACK.

— The judges are, for the most part, in the tank about who is good and who isn't. Only Snarky Brit Producer was at all blunt, while Kathleen Marshall and Jim Jacobs were extremely kind — and guest Olivia Newton-John wouldn't even pick two favorites at the end. (Who does she think she is, Paula Abdul?)

My theory: Even though there was a reference to auditions going on for other "Grease" roles, I won't be surprised if the Broadway production ends up drawing on the TV show pool for Kenickie, Rizzo and other supporting roles. If that is looming, then the people involved in the show are going to be reluctant to trash perfomers whom they will still have to work with; it's sort of a corollary to "American Idol's" getting kinder when the pool gets down to the folks who might end up releasing CDs under "Idol's" auspices.

— The remarkably convenient way that the judges, in picking their favorite Danny and Sandy, managed not to overlap at all — listing six different favorites. (It would have been eight if Newton-John hadn't been such a wimp.) Snarky Brit went with Ashley S. and Derek, Marshall with Austin and Allie, Jacobs with Chad and Kate. Way to keep things wide open — and, going back to the other-casting theory, to keep more performers happy.

Other notes: Ashley S. did all right with "The Shoop Shoop Song (It's in His Kiss)", especially in terms of stage presence, and Kate was OK — little slow getting to the oomph in "All By Myself." But of all the men and women tonight, I was really surprised by Kathleen's "Suddenly I See." A real force, that one.

Next show's guest is Andrew Lloyd Webber who, as far as I can determine, does not have a hyphen in his name even if the show's graphics indicated otherwise. No new telecast next week because of the Super Bowl, so we wait until Feb. 11 for voting results.

Update: You can catch the latest podcast with me and Malcolm Abram on www.ohio.com by clicking here for the MP3 file. Or, subscribe to the podcast.

Things the audience learned from "Idol":

– It's OK to mislead your parents, skip school and travel to New York City, because you may get a trip to Hollywood out of it. If there's a surge in teen runaways during the next round of "Idol" auditions, blame 19-year-old Sarah Burgess of East Palestine, Ohio, whose tearful tale got plenty of "Idol" air time — and a trip to Hollywood — without so much as a "Kids, don't try this at home."

– You don't need to know how to talk to go on "Idol." Tuesday night gave us the word "confidentiality" as a synonym for "confidence." On Wednesday, we heard about a song being "interpretated."

– Don't do a second song unless it is absolutely clear that the judges want it — and you have a good, prepared second song. Nakia Claiborne of Scottsburg, Va., looked like a lock for Hollywood after her spirited "Dancing in the Street." Paula and guest judge Carole Bayer Sager were interested in hearing her bring it down on another song, but it's not clear on my recording of the show that they wanted her to sing again on the spot. Still, Claiborne did and it was a disaster for her. No Hollywood. As Sager pointed out, Claiborne was flawed on "Dancing" but you could overlook them; not so on the slow song.

– Don't overreach generally. The Jersey Girls (Amanda Coluccio and Antonella Barba, both 19) didn't win any friends with their attempt at a duet, but they went through to Hollywood on solo turns. I'm not convinced they were all that good, but the show is clearly relishing the soap-opera potential in their competing against each other — potential demonstrated when Antonella didn't tell Amanda EVERYTHING the judges said.

– The spirit of Monti Rock III is being carried forward by Ian "I AM a superstar" Benardo, crossover from "So You Think You Can Dance." But that spirit also meant that someone either didn't make it to the judges, or was denied air time, just so Benardo could throw attitude.

– Also taking up unnecessary air: a 47-year-old contestant evoking Sinatra. He's too freakin' old for the show. Why was he even on?

– Rachel Zevita, 18, of New York City, is not only going to Hollywood; she's already annoying me.

– Life begins and ends with "American Idol" for way too many singers. I am thinking of Claiborne's tears, the training regimen for Porcelana Patino of Elmhurst, N.Y. (who did get to Hollywood), the recidivist contestants, the arguments and the begging.

– Jenry Benjarano, 16, of Rotterdam, N.Y. (part of my old stomping grounds), may go a long way based on Paula's sense that he is "easy on the eyes."

– Others getting tickets to Hollywood: Jory Steinberg, 25, of Santa Monica and Canada; Hollywood dropout Nicholas Pedro, 25, of Taunton, Mass., and Kia Thornton, 27, of Englewood, N.J.

Tonight's podcast is available through:

www.ohiomm.com/podcasts/tv/idol_results_042606.mp3

My written notes from tonight's telecast follow below.

Kellie's gone! Kellie's gone!

No more dumb-bunny jokes. No more challenged vocabulary. And, aside from Taylor, who's been swimming in mediocrity for a bit, no really stinky singers left.

I was prepared for Paris to go. There had been a lot of buzz that she was at the end of her string today. Amy Carlson Gustafson, my podcasting buddy, had arranged for us to do a later-than-usual podcast tonight because Paris is a local angle for her, and she might have had to write up Paris's farewell.

And she was there in the bottom two, with Kellie, who had beaten the odds before by surviving bad performances on the strength of personality.

Instead, we had a week where the "Idol"-voting nation mobilized, with the show claiming more than 47.5 million votes, supposedly a record for an "Idol" telecast other than a season finale.

And at the top of the heap, according to the show, were Chris and Katharine, who topped my report card on Tuesday night. (Of course, I also thought Chris might be in trouble, so wrong there. And I said the only surprise eliminations would be Kellie or Taylor, so I was surprised. Though delightfully.)

That left Taylor and Elliott in the middle of the pack, and I can think of plenty of scenarios where any of the five remaining could win, and there are all sorts of intriguing possibilities in the finals, starting with Chris vs. Katharine.

But I am SO happy that Kellie is gone. She had been running on gimmickry for far too long.

Happy, too, for Katharine, not only for surviving but for getting an apology from Simon for misjudging her performance (along with a low-key admission of excessive harshness from Randy). The judges cannot hear the performances well, as they occasionally admit, and it was nice to hear it tonight. (And how can Paula hear anything over whichever voices echo in her head? "Cry, Paula." "Dance, Paula." "Declare yourself the empress of all you survey, Paula.")

On non-results notes, who was picking the camera shots during Bocelli's performance — Bocelli himself? He's going for the big finish in his song, and we get a shot of Elliott gesturing as the "Idol" contestants start to move over to surround Bocelli — ideally, AFTER he has finished his song. Car ad: "Call Me," with a cute dog.

Here's the link to the post-show podcast with Amy Carlson Gustafson of the St. Paul Pioneer Press:

http://www.ohiomm.com/podcasts/tv/idol_results_41206.mp3\

And here are my post-show notes:

Well, Bucky is gone at last and that's no disappointment here. It wasn't that he was horrible, it was that he was dull and forgettable. As I said in last night's post, Kellie's outrageous "Bohemian Rhapsody" probably erased viewers' memory of Bucky and Ace, who had gone before her — and there were both in the bottom three, along with Elliott. I thought Elliott was OK last night.

Beyond that, I'm thinking ahead to next week and already feeling the disappointment that Rod Stewart's going to be the latest Old Celebrity Guest Who Appears Familiar With Cosmetic Surgery. Not that it's Rod, mind you. I made a list of songs from vintage Stewart/Faces performances that might be interesting for "Idol" contestants — "Maggie Mae," "Every Picture Tells a Story," "Sailing," "Stay With Me," "Gasoline Alley," "I'm Losing You," "This Old Heart of Mine" (the "Atlantic Crossing" version). Maybe "Tonight's the Night." And I'm sure someone would risk "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" (A side note: The greatest version of that ever was Bob & Ray's.)

But it appears that we're not getting that Rod. We're getting the Rod of recent vintage, with those albums of standards that could be done by just about anyone. That's probably good news for Ace and Elliott, but I don't know how good it will be for us viewers.

Good notes from tonight: The reminder, via Paula, that the judges don't hear the performances very well during the show and that they have been known to watch the TV replays — sometimes with different reactions. Of course, that means that anything they say during the performance show is of no value, but "Idol" doesn't care about that. If it did, the judges would be in another room on Tuesday nights, watching a good audio feed of the show. Also liked Ryan's admitting that the sing-the-song-that-got-voted-you-off was not the nicest thing. And that was sure the case tonight, when — in the interest of show padding — everyone in the bottom three had to sing before the final result was announced. And both Elliott and Ace were better tonight than on Tuesday, although I still didn't think Ace was very good. And Bucky was, well, still a guy who deserved to be voted off.

I feel as if I should say something about Kellie and the "community snot rag." But I'm going to let it go because I finally had a (small) reason to like her tonight: her love of fried okra.

Before tonight's telecast, I was thinking that we were about due for a non-elimination round. Too bad that it wasn't, since Dave and Lori — the sweet nerds — finished last, and now are gone. At the top of the heap: Eric and Jeremy again, followed by B.J. and Tyler, showing once again that those two teams have a better overall handle on the game than the other contenders.

I'm impressed by Fran and Barry, who are not merely hanging on but proving strongly competitive. But I like all the contestants right now, so I can live with people getting kicked off because the others are still appealing.

And I was SO glad to have the show at 8 o'clock tonight, a time slot where it's easier to find and remember. "Race" knew, too, that it might have a returning audience, since the opening recap covered the season to date, not just the previous week's events.

Still, the DVRs were whirring at 8, with "Amazing Race," "One Tree Hill," "Bones" and (because I needed to check on a local contestant) "Deal or No Deal." Right now I'm watching "American Idol" (and thank you to everyone checking out the "Idol" podcasts, with another coming later tonight). And recording "Lost." I'd also be DVR'ing "Veronica Mars," only it's pre-empted locally again for a Cleveland Cavs telecast. Please respect my cone of silence regarding "VM" plot developments.

On Tuesday night, I not only forgot to watch "The Amazing Race," I forgot to record it. I read the synopsis online but it wasn't the same as seeing people scurry. And CBS doesn't get ratings points for people reading synopses.

I suspect I was not alone among fans missing the show. The 10 p.m. Tuesday slot feels too late, especially for a series that — overheated young male banter aside — had a family-audience following. So I am happy to see that CBS is moving the show to 8 p.m. Wednesdays effective next week.

Of course, CBS is not just saving "Race" in making the move. The most recent occupants of that Wednesday hour, "Out of Practice" and "Courting Alex," reportedly cratered in the ratings, so the network had reason to try something else. ("Practice" and "Courting" are now in limbo, with CBS saying they'll return to the schedule later, though not when or where.) Since I didn't care much about those comedies, I'm perfectly content to see them elbowed aside. I'd much rather catch up on the hippie guys, and the nerds, and the other likable folks on "Race."

Then again, any show runs the risk of conflicting with another viewer favorite. An "Alias" fan at my office this morning noticed that "Race" will be against "Alias" when the ABC thriller returns on April 19.

A couple of days ago I said I was back, but regular readers know I haven't been really, really back. Life has just kept getting in the way. I spent most of yesterday getting my younger son through the removal of his wisdom teeth, and so found myself at the office during "Idol" last night. Even then, I spent the first 10 minutes of "Idol" doing the online test for "Jeopardy." 50 questions in under 10 minutes, and I don't think there's any danger of me getting an invitation to actual auditions.

It didn't feel as bad as the "Jeopardy" written test I took about 20 years ago — I still feel the terror over a question asking the names of all the Supreme Court justices — but part of that was probably because this test went so quickly. (No changing answers, no backing up for questions you skip.) Only afterward, while reviewing answers with two friends who also took the test, did I understand what I got right — and how much I got wrong.

Anyway, after that I was working on my mailbag column with "Idol" on the TV. It wasn't until this morning that I finally gave the show a report card-worthy viewing. Although I skipped through most of the judges' comments, what I heard reflected what I had sensed last night — that the messages are getting ever more loudly mixed as the judges look at who would sell CDs, and nudge this way and that — especially on the be yourself/don't be yourself argument, which boils down to "forget what got you here, because now you have to show us enough different things that we can force you to do almost anything in the recording studio." Interesting, too, the way they used the Ryan-Chris chat to take some of the heat off Chris — to let him talk about how much he admires Live — while never explicitly saying that the judges should have known his "I Walk the Line" was based on an earlier version.

Beyond that, not a great night. No goosebump-building performances, even with another overly generous theme — ''songs of the 21st century." Nor did Lisa make a great show-opener (and I have to think she and Bucky remain major candidates for ouster), covering a Kelly Clarkson hit in a way that just reminds you how very good Clarkson is. C minus on my report card, and that was probably generous.

Kellie is not remotely my favorite singer on the show, but I still gave her a C plus just because she was competent at country — or maybe the producers were able to explain to her what this song was about. She at least provided a rote synopsis before singing. C for Ace, who was not only mediocre but — according to my bride the Ace fan — did not look as cute as usual.

B minus for Taylor, who found a song that suited him well. B for Mandisa, good at gospel but not overpowering the way she can sometimes be. I also wonder if the show is starting to maneuver her elimination — unflattering outfit (with camera shots from the back making that more evident) and no consistent enthusiasm from the judges. B minus also for Chris. Good, but not eye-opening.

Here endeth the fun. C for McPhee, notably for her rocky start. Somewhere between a C minus and a D for Bucky; when I heard him while working at the office, he seemed better than last week, but when I listened this morning, his fundamental dullness was more evident. C for Paris, who was robotic again. C plus for Elliott. I kept expecting him to take it up a notch higher than he did, and a show-closer is supposed to be great. Of course, so is a show opener, and we didn't get that either this week.

I had a meeting early this evening and got home about the time Taylor was starting to sing, but held off listening until I finished some business. Then a phone call came as Kellie was singing. So, between what I saw live and what I watched later on my recording, I saw the singers in this order: Lisa, Kevin, Elliott, Ace, Mandisa, Bucky, Paris, Chris, Katharine, Taylor and Kellie.

So you may begin to understand why I thought the show was pretty disappointing at first — far more than the judges indicated. (One plus in going back to the recording: I could skip through Paula's goofy ramblings. For a bit it made me think I had waxy build-up in my hearing. Then I heard the opening acts and realized that the trouble was not in my ears.

I found myself longing again for a Mandisa/Chris final, although I don't trust the "Idol" voters to see it that way, and I have to admit that — in pure pop terms — Katharine was right up there with Mandisa and Chris. B pluses for everybody, but I give Mandisa and Chris the edge for bringing more personality and style to bear — while Katharine simply sang the daylights out of "Come Rain or Come Shine." Can't break the tie between Mandisa and Chris, though, although they took different, smart approaches, with Mandisa drawing on a Dinah Washington song that few in the audience would know (and so could claim it for her own), while Chris turned "I Walk the Line" from a Johnny Cash song into a Chris Daughtry song.

Rest of the field: Enh. Particular thumbs down to Paris (grade: C) for doing "Fever," a song where she hit the notes but didn't have the wisdom to understand, and Kellie (C minus), dulling down "Walking After Midnight" with a clueless, numb rendition. (Patsy Cline GOT the song. Of course, Patsy Cline got almost everything she sang.)

I also chucked C minuses at Bucky and Taylor, neither of whom brought anything to their Buddy Holly efforts. Ditto for Kevin, who never got out of his soft-and-mellow groove on "When I Fall in Love."

Let the record show this may be the only time that you'll see "Kevin" and "groove" in the same sentence.

Ace was also a C minus on my card. But, as usual with Ace, I must offer a dissenting dialogue with my bride.

"Isn't he a little off?" I said.

"Who cares?" she replied.

D plus to Elliott, who may have understood "Teach Me Tonight" but didn't get hold of the melody. And a D to Lisa Tucker for a tiresome "Why Do Fools Fall in Love?"

Shane and the rest of the Casaya gang are looking more and more like the Oakland A's of the '70s. They fight and bicker and seem to hate each other — and then go out and win championships, or at least challenges, like tonight's, which was a nasty one. On the line was reward, immunity and a chance to send someone from the other tribe to Exile Island — where this time they would be out of tribal council and so free from ouster. So not only did the winning tribe get to send the losing tribe to council, it also got to protect a big loser from extinction.

La Mina should be as rough as Terry and the Pirates. Instead, they're more like Terry cloth. Another challenge lost. Casaya picked Sally for exile, so La Mina had to get rid of one of the guys. And rail-thin Dan the Astronaut was sent home. Before he went — in fact, before the challenge — he impressed the others with tales of his travels into space. I don't think that was the best idea.

Sure, he was a big flop at puzzle-solving in the challenge and that pretty much assured his end. But you don't want the others to think you have already had great success in life, so why should you get a million bucks, too? Sort of like not telling them you were an NFL quarterback.

Still, Dan's end was one of the most polite vote-offs I have ever seen. He knew he was out before the vote, he figured it was a reasonable decision and he went. Shane and his crowd would be spitting at each other. There's a lesson there, I fear.

I didn't get around to this week's "Amazing Race" until Wednesday night, but I had already gotten a content warning from a co-worker. "Too much sex," she said with a shake of her head.

Sure enough, the episode had buddies Eric and Jeremy coveting bigtime, whether it was the Pink Ladies (Danielle and Dani) or Brazilian prostitutes — until, that is, they realized the prostitutes were cross-dressers. Early in the episode, they talked about they whether they might "get some sex" during the show, and they didn't let up. Granted that Danielle and Dani spoke about using "our feminity" as a game-playing tactic, Eric and Jeremy were obviously playing two games — the race and the race for sex.

Is this really so bad? After all, we've had adult conversations on "Amazing Race" before, including mentions of a player's implants. And the show does air at 10 p.m.

Still, whenever I think about a show airing at 10, I hear the voice of Ann Hodges, the now-retired TV critic for the Houston Chronicle. When a network executive mentioned that a show was on at 10, she would remind them that it aired at 9 in her part of the country.

In these days of video recording, a time slot does not mean as much as it used to.  And viewers may feel some shows are suitable for the entire family regardless of when they air. "American Idol," for instance, has a considerable family following; when it has done two-hour telecasts, another co-worker has had to decide whether her young daughter can stay up late enough to watch the telecasts to the end.

"Amazing Race" also has a family vibe. In fact, the last series was a "family edition" with teams of four, some of them children. While that "family edition" was ultimately a bad idea, it still told audiences that the show was OK for all audiences.

This time, not so much. I suspect my co-worker is not the only one to be put off by the content in Tuesday's show. In fact, I talked to several other "Race" fans in my office who found it troubling, and in at least one case a reason not to like Eric and Jeremy.

I've loved "Amazing Race" for a long time because its blend of a pure competition — that is, the race — and likable personalities. This time around, it is back with the fun of an international jaunt, and several of the teams are appealing at this point. BJ and Tyler's semi-hippie ways may have tricked other teams into underestimating them, and Dave and Lori remain the cutest nerds since Bill Murray and Gilda Radner. (Dave's line of the night, on making ethanol: "I totally did that experiment in school.")

But as we get to know the teams, some things are better kept private. Eric and Jeremy's spanking fantasies qualify.