He’s slated to star in the screenplay being written by a Baron Von Breitenstein.

1) I noted that the Cavs beat the Pistons. Nothing more. The ‘72 Cavs won, what 23 games? So you’re comparing that Cavs team to this one? In Bizarro World, maybe. This team is projected to win 50+ games. Even accounting for the mediocrity of the league (your assertion), you have a long way to go on this one.

Tell me more about the game that the Cavs “almost” beat the Lakers. How does that compare to actually beating the Pistons by 13 points (and leading them by 10-20 the entire second half)? Put up or shut up.

2)Does anyone else find it ironic that you complain about the hyperbole of the relatively low-key Mike Brown, then you castigate the sportwriters (or columnists, if you prefer) for not being more hyperbolic, and YOUR posts are nothing if not hyperbolic. Mr. Pot meet Mr. Kettle. (Actually, that’s unfair to Mike Brown.)

3) You never answered my question about the conference finals. How many GMs pass muster if they don’t accomplish the standard to which you are holding Ferry (a first year GM no less)? Doesn’t that make your criterion pretty weak?

4) You accuse Mike Brown of sweet-talking the Pistons to feather his fall (so to speak) if the Cavs lost to them. Aren’t you doing the same thing with your Conference Finals ultimatum? God forbid, if you’d said they need to win in the first round and they did (and they very well could), you’d have to eat a lot of crow. So you set an incredibly difficult standard (Beat the best team in the NBA on it’s home floor or you’ve failed!). How gutless.

The Pistons lost today, who, Mike Brown should take note, would have had their clocks cleaned by that Lakers starting five. Anyway, bravo. Now Cleveland must reach a minimum of the Eastern Conference Finals. So yes, if they don’t do it this season, or next season at the very latest, then Ferry should be jettisoned into orbit by Gilbert like Hal Lebovitz was jettisoned into orbit by the Plain Dealer. The difference being Ferry will deserve it 100%.

For years the West beats the East like a drum, and it just shows how mediocre the East is. Now the East starts (and I emphasize starts) to catch up, and now it’s BOTH the West AND the East which are mediocre. How convenient.

If the standard set is the conference finals, well, that’s an incredibly high standard, especially since — as the playoff picture currently stands — it is very likely the Cavs would have to play through the Pistons to get there. So, to paraphrase, the only way Ferry isn’t a horrible GM is if he manages to get the Cavs to beat a team off to one of the best starts in NBA history. How many GMs of the past (on any team) pass muster by that criterion?

Did everyone catch that a certain PD writer in his or her notes the day after the Raiders game had Phil Savage kicking the game-winning field goal. Is it any wonder the Browns beat writers got spanked on the Savage story.

When I’m speaking of Golden Retrievers in the Northeast Ohio media, I’m mainly speaking of the columnists. It’s THEIR jobs to openly challenge nonsense, and then sit down and write a powerful rebuttal argument.

It’s no secret the Northeast Ohio media is one of the very tamest in the entire country. Ask any experienced media person that’s spent substantive time outside of Ohio, and they’ll tell you the exact same thing. For a Northeast Ohio columnist to write anything even remotely critical, you pretty much have to do something completely off-the-charts outrageous, such as move the NFL football team or trade Ron Harper and two first-round draft picks for Danny Ferry. Do that, and you might actually read a few words that consist of something more than being egregious parrots for the party line.

I’ll say this for Roger Brown: Occasionally I think he talks out of his hat to fill up his column prior to deadline, but there is absolutely no question that Brown’s the only guy within a 300-mile radius with real balls. No doubt he gets attacked by team employees all the time. He’s all alone out there, and you’ve got to admire and respect the guy for that.

By the way, I really love that Mike Brown quote about the Pistons’ starting five being the “best-ever.” Mike’s already learning from the coaching pros…Spout complete nonsense as a preemptive strike to make sure the blow is totally cushioned in the event the Cavs lose. Yeah…Sure, Mike. Whatever. Never mind the 80’s and the 90’s. Those starting fives from the 60’s and 70’s Celtics, Knicks, Lakers, et al. were all nothing more than effeminate Chippendales dancers. Each and every one of them.

The season is still young, and Mike Brown’s ready-made exaggerations and excuses already make me want to upchuck my cookies. Expansion has diluted the NBA’s talent to the point where winning means almost nothing anymore. Even the West’s mediocrity has caught up to the level of the East’s mediocrity. Given the abundance of mediocre and just plain bad teams, there is absolutely no excuse for the Cavs not to make it to at least the conference finals. If they can’t do that, then Ferry has proven to be as terrible a GM as he was a player. In another era, instead of making finger puppets and cashing monster paychecks he doesn’t deserve, Damon Jones would be one of the guys at the counter selling peanuts and cotton candy. And unlike Brown’s nonsense, THAT is no exaggeration.

I enjoy reading your articles and your blog, and I wonder why others who dislike you (and the Cleveland media) so much would frequent this blog so often.

Regardless, while I enjoyed reading your blurbs about Rob Schneider in both your print column and in your blog (which, I suppose, isn’t anywhere remotely as pathetic as the Nets inexplicably treating Joe Piscopo as a god), I strongly urge you to add substantial substance to your celebrity sightings. We’ve already read about your sightings of Jared, Schneider, Usher and a few others. O.K., that’s all fine and dandy. But if I may be so bold, allow me to compare and contrast your own celebrity sightings with the celebrity sightings of Cavaliers AP beat writer, Tom Withers. I mean, with all due respect, your celebrity sightings are a comparative joke. Tom clearly knows what his readers want, and he gives nothing less than 110% to deliver the goods.

As a prime example, here is one of Tom’s major celebrity sightings, this from the Cavs-76ers game: “Mary Carey, a former porn star who ran for governor of California last year, attended the game.”

Look, Brian, I realize you’re a relatively young writer still getting experience under your belt. But when you really stop and think about it, Knight Ridder doesn’t pay your salary…We, your reading audience do. (By the way, what will happen to your job if they sell themselves, as appears to be their intentions? Will you be able to retain your Cavs beat? Will you apply for another NBA beat job with another paper? Or will you simply lay back and relax at your condo, enjoy your severance pay, and freelance for Better Homes and Gardens?)

Anyway, you could really learn something from writers like Withers. You need to ignore celebrities like Jared. You need to ignore celebrities like Schneider. I believe I speak for your entire male readership from as low as age 10 to as high as age 100. From the mountains to the prairies, to the oceans white with foam, God Bless America and heed our common call: “WE WANT PORN!!!”