Things that are funny in their own special way:

–Heckler to Damon Jones about 15 seconds after he got into the game at the Meadowlands: "Hey Damon, why haven’t you shot yet?"

–News-Herald Cavs beat writer Bob Finnan to six-year-old child in hotel lobby as she ran to tell her father that her older sister was sitting on her suitcase, apparently a no-no: "Nobody likes a tattle-tale."

–Mike Brown on Detroit Pistons:  "Their starting five is probably the best-ever."

–LeBron James on how he was first called for a "backdown violation" and then a 7.8-second eight-second call in separate games against the Nets this year:   "I guess I better re-read the rules."

–Zydrunas Ilgauskas on the favorite feature of his house: "The beer tap in my basement, my wife never knows how much I’ve had."

Things that are tragic in their own special way:

–For just the second time in 36 years, the Cavs are playing on New Year’s Eve, forcing beat writers to work.

–Beyonce didn’t show up for the Cavs-Nets game.

–I was informed Beacon Journal Christmas bonus wasn’t lost in the mail, it was never issued.

–Rob Schneider showed up at Quicken Loans Arena and was treated like an A-list celeb last week.

–That the last five people who have commented to me about my blog all mentioned Alan Tucker.

Things that are weird in their own special way:

–Mike Brown has a cup that he spits into all game long.

–CORRECTION!!! Donyell Marshall sometimes cries at movies, which he never did before his daughter was born but now he has a new set of emotions.  I didn’t mean to imply he cried at the all the time.

–The way LeBron James drinks Gatorade and Aquafina but tapes the bottles so Coke won’t see.

–Martynas Andruiskevicius is a teen idol in Lithuania, or so I’ve been told.

–Zendon Hamilton.

For complete LeBron turns 21 coverage, check out the Cavs toasts, his top career moments, and Tom Reed’s column.

Newark — I never been so happy to be in New Jersey, safely in New Jersey that is.  It was quite a journey here this morning, especially the 40-minute van ride from LaGuardia Airport over here.  Nothing like a half dozen near death experiences weaving through Chinatown to change your perspective on life.

Last night’s Cavs victory over the Bulls was enjoyable to watch, just for the Nocioni factor.  I’ve liked Andres Nocioni since first time I saw him play in the Olympics for Argentina, which is about the time he started getting under American players’ skin.
He’s a rough-houser and he doesn’t care who he offends, which is why it is pure entertainment and wildly comic to watch him play against LeBron James.  It is too bad the Bulls don’t assign him to cover LeBron full-time, Luol Deng usually plays half the time on him.  It would be great, watching Nocioni elbow him in the ribs and bump him at every chance.  LeBron continually trying to bait him into fouls like he did a couple times last night.  But the best is what you can’t hear or see on TV.  Nocioni wears a mouthpiece — smartly, if you ask me — talks with an accent and loves to whine about every call.  A lot like his countryman Manu Ginobilli.

Last night Andres complained about a call but it was muffled and LeBron thought he said something about him.  So LeBron spent the next few minutes staring him down and daring him to repeat what he said.  Nocioni regarded him balefully, refusing to look at him.  When LeBron got him off his feet with a head fake and forced him to commit his fifth foul, LeBron had a few words for him when the lined up for free throws.  As Andres was leaving the game he waved LeBron off with his hand in the same carefree manner Kobe Bryant dismisses wide open teammates.

The thing is, LeBron hasn’t been a trash-talker at any time in his career.  Perhaps in pickup games, but almost never in serious competition.  He’s always let his game do the talking, which speaks loud enough.  But the fact that Nocioni gets him going just shows what kind of dynamic the two have.

Some fans complain that foreign players too often don’t play hard and aren’t tough because they don’t concentrate on playing in the paint.  In many cases that may be true, but Nocioni is a fine exception.  LeBron got the best of him last night, but he’s gotten the best of LeBron in the past.

Heading into tonight’s game with Jersey, the Cavs are 5-6 against teams with winning records. Their next three — tonight, Saturday vs. Detroit and next week in Milwaukee — are against winning teams.  They have a nice record and win streak, these next three games are quality litmus test.

Check out my latest podcast with Terry Pluto.

Terry and I discuss Carlos Boozer, why Zydrunas Ilgauskas had never been knocked out before, LeBron James’ minutes, Mike Brown’s job performance, and how I dislike that every conversation and/or e-mail between Thanksgiving and 11:59 p.m. Jan. 1 requires everyone to exclaim "Happy Holidays!" at some juncture.

By the way, here’s the link for my RSS/XML feed file.

Ahem, Happy Holidays.

Technology issues have plagued this blog — well, that and Alan Tucker — over the last week.  I’m typing this report for the third time.  Let’s hope it takes and the host site figures stuff out.

Cavs reached the quarter pole over the last week and now they’ve won two straight.  Here’s my look at what I’ve seen so far:

LeBron James — Most impressive stat is he’s shooting 50 percent from the field so far.  When he was a rookie, he shot 41 percent and averaged 10 fewer points.  His issue continues to be defense.  He goes for steals above all else.  He doesn’t work to get in position on defense, which is why he’s committed just 59 fouls in 915 minutes.  Part of it is so much is asked of him and he plays too many minutes.  Grade: A.

Larry Hughes — I‘ve been a supporter since day one.  He does stuff that doesn’t show up in the box score.  Sometimes he takes jumpers when he should use his driving skills, but this has been a criticism since his Wizard days.  His sore Achilles is holding him back a little, as does LeBron when the offense stops moving.  But he’s been a great addition.  Grade: B.

Zydrunas Ilgauskas – I’m not sure he knows where he belongs in the offense.  Sometimes they feed him, something they forget about him.  Sometimes he sells out on defense, sometimes he doesn’t.  He gets extra credit for playing through a lot of pain already.  Grade: B.

Drew Gooden — Nice guy, works hard, does what he’s told, will have a long NBA career.  I have to believe Mike Brown is already tired of him getting lost in defensive rotations, which happens a lot.  Grade: B-.

Eric Snow — Solid defender who doesn’t turn the ball over.  He won’t like to read this, but at this point in his career he’s probably a role player that should be coming off the bench because of his offensive issue.  Grade: C+.

Damon Jones – As I wrote in my Sunday column, he makes 3’s and plays average defense.  The Cavs knew this.  What wasn’t expected was his constant complaining about playing time and not starting.  Grade: C+.

Donyell Marshall — His strong rebounding has been a good plus.  Sometimes he settles for 3’s too much, but he’s gotten much better at going to the basket.  He’s not a great defender because he doesn’t have great lateral speed.  But this was already known.  Grade: B.

Alan Henderson – Hendy isn’t an All-Star, but no one said he was.  He’s a solid veteran big man, they’re hard to find.  Grade: B-.

Luke Jackson — Didn’t deliver when he had the chances earlier, hasn’t delivered when he’s gotten minimal chances lately.  Outlook not good.  Grade: D.

Sasha Pavlovic – Injuries have slowed him, hasn’t shown much when he’s played.  Grade: D.

Mike Wilks – Quality NBA player, he’s not great but he’s solid.  He should get more time against teams with quicker guards that Snow and Jones struggle with.  Grade: C.

Zendon Hamilton — Strange guy.  Bonus points for being team cheerleader.  Grade: C.

Ira Newble – Hasn’t played yet.  Grade: Incomplete.

Anderson Varejao — Hasn’t played yet.  If you ask me, he’ll be back within a month. Grade: Incomplete.

Martynas Andriuskevicius — Hasn’t played yet.  Not close if you ask me.  Grade: Incomplete.

Mike Brown – Sometimes he coaches like he’s still an assistant.  He conducts very long practices and preaches, sometimes I know the players tune him out.  But he has a great philosophy and, more importantly, a strict fidelity to it.  If the players eventually buy into it, he’ll be called a genius.  If.  Grade: B.

Now, for some other stuff:
–Back when I was a kid and Pat Riley was coaching the showtime Lakers, he was the essence of cool.  I mean there was a phrase called "Riley style."  Not sure if you saw the suit he wore to the Q on Saturday, but, um, things have changed.  I know it was the end of a road trip and it wasn’t a national TV game, but still.

Plus the hair, I mean, it is dangerously close to being a mullet.  The guy has more than 1,200 wins and four NBA title rings along with literally tens of millions of dollars, so I’m not ripping him.  I’m just saying all that time in Florida is starting to show up, you know.

–A lot of people have e-mailed me privately and I think we’re going to have to govern the comments section a little more.  Let’s try to limit it to two posts per person, per topic.  No bias here, just reader reaction.

More posts to come.

So this story in today’s Indy Star sort of ruined what was supposed to be a quiet Sunday for me.  If you don’t want to read the link, Ron Artest demanded a traded from the Pacers via the media (ain’t that grand).  Also, just to spice things up, he said one of he places he wanted to be traded was Cleveland.  Also he said he wanted to go to the New York Knicks, which you will now read and hear about until: a) Artest is traded; b) The Feb. trade deadline; c) Whenever a New York writer/ESPN gets bored.

So where does this leave the Cavs?  Well, I try to sum it up in my story for Monday’s paper.  Please do read the link and don’t e-mail me trade scenarios, because I really don’t think it’s going to happen.  I have it on pretty high authority that the Cavs will pass on this chance, for a number of reasons.  Reason No. 1, of course, is that he’s a freakin’ wacko.  But then, he’s also a freakin’ defensive wizard and maybe toughest guy in the NBA.  Also, apparently, he plays the cello.

Now, many of you know I’m a huge Artest fan.  He’s the only guy in the league who can match LeBron James’ size (6-foot-8, 260) at his position.  He’s fearless, he delivers in the clutch, and he genuinely wants to play defense and can get into the head of the opposition.  I’ve said it many times, I believe he’s one of the top 10 players in the NBA.

I also watched him ruin the Pacers last two seasons, first with a stupid flagrant foul in a playoff game in Detroit in 2004.  Then, of course, last season he went AWOL in Detroit again.  He shaves things in the back of his head, etc., etc.  But what is most troubling to me is in this latest rant, he rips Rick Carlisle and says he wants to focus more on offense so he can get a bigger contract in three years.  That is cancerous.

Frankly, if I were the Cavs, I wouldn’t want him even though he may be exactly what they need.  The risk is just so high.  Especially if you have to give up Ilgauskas or Hughes for him, which I think it probably what it would take.  But it is all probably moot, even if the Pacers are forced to trade him there’s no way you trade him to a division rival.

But I’m sure it will be hashed out on plenty of message boards and talkshows, though.

For your reading pleasure, check out my Sunday column, which gives little nuggets about the Cavs’ defense, Usher, Eric Snow’s wallet, Larry Hughes’ unflattering closeup, and Mike Wilks’ dunking ability.  Also you can read my prose from LeBron’s 52-point loss, if you wish.

The other night at 1:36 a.m. PST, I was dodging broken bottles off a gravel road in a dark corner of Sacramento looking over my shoulder for dark shadowy somethings and perhaps red glowing eyes and/or fangs.  In my pocket was a credit card receipt for $145 with my signature on it and the underbelly of my rental car had fresh scrapes and dents*.

How in the world, do you ask, does someone with my integrity and intelligence end up in this sort of spot?  The answer is a meddling power hungry security guard, a wayward poker club, and a dirty, racist and retiring tow truck driver named Beau.**

The evening started off well enough. I covered the Cavs win over the Kings to close their West Coast trip.  I wrote my follow story, recorded a quite insightful podcast with Michael Reghi and was on my way to this bar for a postgame Sprite.  That’s right, I don’t drink.  It might’ve been a Sierra Mist or a 7-Up, whatever.  I was instructed to park at the DelTaco restaurant next door, where most of the spot’s patrons park without worry, I was assured.

About 45 minutes later, I emerged to find my rental car with my briefcase containing my company-issued laptop, removed from where I left it.***  Thus my encounter with Beau, who told me he was: a) making too much money at this job; b) retiring in the morning, yet when I pointed out it was morning it inspired no compassion; c) hated all (insert racist epithet here); d) couldn’t read.****

If you came here to read about the Cavs, I’m sorry.  Long time blog readers understand that from time to time, I find relaying my on road misgivings therapeutic.

*-By reading this, you (the reader) hereby swear not to contact National Rental Car with these details.
**-Some of this is Sam Amick’s fault, but since his fine was $248, I think he’s swallowed enough medicine.  However, the fact he still decided to purchase food from DelTaco after he learned of his towing battered my sympathy for him.
***-The reader also is barred from taking any action to inform Beacon Journal editors of this fact.  I would worry about this being written on their own website, but to my knowledge they don’t know I exist.
****-OK, this I made up, but he couldn’t relay my credit card number or my driver’s license number to his dispatcher and I had to do it for him…talk about adding insult to injury.

Los Angeles — I left my hotel for the Clippers game extra early because I had to take the 101 past the LA Coliseum to get to Staples Center.  I wanted to beat the exiting crowds from the USC-UCLA game.  So I left at the start of the third quarter and still ran into thousands of cars…all UCLA fans leaving early.

I would like to watch last night’s game again because when I was crazy busy trying to get a story done by the buzzer due to time zone constraints and I think I missed some stuff.  Here’s what I can tell you, it was the first time this season I’ve seen Mike Brown and Danny Ferry outwardly troubled by their lack of defense.

Brown was throwing all sorts of different strategies out there and none of them were working, which I know is troubling to him.  I thought the entire defense was awful, especially the way they allowed Seattle, the most dangerous 3-point team in the NBA, to get so many looks so early in the game.  But apparently, all of you thought Damon Jones was the worst.  I heard from several people by e-mail today, including a fan from out here in Cali who has vowed to call him Amon Jones from now on because he has no "D."

Damon had a bad defensive night, but he wasn’t alone.  He also had a great offensive night, but he wasn’t alone.  Until the Cavs sell out on defense like they do on offense you are going to continue to see these types of games.

Also, I feel they were guilty of doing the things I warned about in my last post.  They settled for 3-pointers just to try to match the Sonics and ran with them when they should’ve tried to slow things down by getting it to Ilgauskas, who had a huge advantage whenever Nick Collison was on him.

Oh, well, on to the next…

Seattle — Someone once described to me how a long road trip is like eating popcorn.  The smell allures you as it’s popping, it’s so good when it’s hot and fresh and you just enjoy grabbing handful after handful.  But you keep eating it and it gets cold and rubbery and eventually gives you a stomach ache.

The Cavs play four of their next five games on the road, starting against the Sonics.  It is on the road where the Cavs’ success this season will be determined.  Last year they were 13-28 on the road, which was actually worse than the 14-27 they were the year before.  They had the best home record in the history of Gund/Quicken Loans Arena last season and yet were unable to qualify for the playoffs.

PhD candidates have done studies on why sport teams don’t win on the road as much as at home.  It goes beyond the "not sleeping in your own bed" theory, NBA players often like not sleeping in their own beds if you get my drift.  I will also say that, unlike in college, almost all NBA arenas are the relatively the same* and, while the home crowd can play a role in various clutch situations, I would say it is quite rare they decide the game.

Mike Brown believes defense wins on the road and of course he is right**. But, then, defense wins at home, too, right?

It is my own personal opinion that the reason the Cavs haven’t been a great road team has been a lack of experience.  They kicked away numerous games on the road last season because they didn’t know how to handle themselves.  Like, when the home team is on a run, don’t chuck a 3, drive to the damn basket and get a foul.  Or running and gunning just because your opponent is running and gunning and you want to one-up a guy to silence the crowd.  It is up to the coach to discourage this, but up to the players to execute it.

There a certain percentage of road games the Cavs are destined to win and those they are destined to lose.  Some nights outside and supernatural factors*** determine the outcome, regardless the opponent.  The thought process is veterans Donyell Marshall, Larry Hughes, Alan Henderson, and Damon Jones have the know-how to help the Cavs win these contests.  It still remains to be seen if they will.

If you can stay awake long enough to watch the games out here on the coast, play close attention to the possessions the Cavs have when their opponent is on a run and how they react when the come out of timeouts, especially the ones they call to stop a run.  Also, see if they execute offense or just hand the ball to LeBron and pray when they need a basket.  These are the things that add up.

In the meantime, check out my latest podcast.  In addition, in response to demand here and in my e-mail inbox, please keep an eye out in the Beacon Journal for Anderson Varejao and Martynas Andruiskevicius updates.   Also, Monday I will be a guest on the Kenny Roda show on WKNR 850-AM at 5:40 p.m. EST.  I’m currently in PST, and EST certainly beats the hell out of it.****

*-except for Sacramento and Indiana.  Sac has a non-descript arena but the best fans in the league, Indy has the best building but the fans don’t match.
**-Though, the Cavs did win a road game 123-120 in regulation this season.
***-In general, these do not include David Stern, despite what you’ve heard.
****-This may not be true.