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24.5 percent of Ohioans were obese in 2005.  That seems like a suspiciously specific figure but I have been noticing more full figures.

There is good news though.  You're not fat because you can't stop stuffing your pie hole.  You're fat because government policies are failing you. 

"Government must step up and provide sustainable funding for sound, long-term policies that produce significant results."

That's the message from the entity known as the Trust For America's Health.

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How will the media atone for their sins now that weirdo, John Karr, has scammed them with his fake confession in the JonBenet Ramsey case. 

I'm thinking reality show.  You try to get convicted of a crime you didn't commit in exchange for fame and first class air fare.

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Tiger Woods won the Bridgestone Invitational at Firestone Country Club on the fourth playoff hole in the rain.  It was Tiger's fifth win here. 

The tournament is a link to Akron's faded glory and a source of pride to the community and the 976 volunteers who make it happen.  They couldn't get enough Tiger.

Meanwhile, the area's current link to glory, Lebron James, was leading the world championship basketball team in Tokyo.

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Hurricane Ray made landfall when he asserted on "60 Minutes" that New Yorkers are unable to fill their "hole" in the ground.  He was referring to Ground Zero.

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We've been enduring painful cutbacks at the Akron Beacon Journal. But these are mere worldly concerns. 

Any doubt that scientists hold the real power was dispelled when they gave Pluto the pink slip.

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Iran rejected preconditions for talks about its nuclear program.  The precondition being that Iran must suspend its program in compliance with U.N.  Security Council Resolutions. 

In return for agreeing to terms for talks the Americans and Europeans were prepared to offer carrots.  It is believed Iran is demanding shrubbery.

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Israelis can sleep better tonight knowing their security is in the hands of more Fins than Frenchmen.  Finland will send 250 troops to Lebanon.  France has pledged 200 troops to defend its former colony.

Italy has offered 2,000 to 3,000 peacekeepers in Lebanon.  The Italian troops have been armored to protect against head butting before the Frenchmen run away.

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Akron water and sewer bills have soared.  Meanwhile, the Zoo and Soapbox Derby get the smelly stuff for free. 

Akron Thermal is the monopoly supplier of steam heat downtown.  Being an energy kingpin isn't what it used to be.  The company is $5 million behind on its water bill.

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A week after England used electronic surveillance to stop a plot to blow up 10 airliners, a Detroit judge ruled the practice unconstitutional in the United States. 

Electronic eavesdropping, not blowing up jetliners.

U.S. District Court Judge Anna Diggs Taylor channeled the founding fathers to reason that president Bush does "have shit all over him", therefore, he cannot be a king. 

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Six Dell batteries have overheated.  Dell is recalling 4.1 million of the things.

As far as I know, after passing the boarding area strip search, laptops are the only thing you may keep on the plane with you.  Of course, they must be turned off and used only as fig leaves. 

Otherwise they could explode and leave a nasty rash.